Random Quotes I've Liked Recently

 Found in the Emotional Resilience Self-Reliance book:

"No pain that we suffer, no trial we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable... and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire." - Elder Orson F. Whitney.

On the BYU Speeches Instagram story.

"When we are able to make space for uncertainty in our lives and for the possibility of things that lie beyond our comprehension, we can come closer to our God, who knows us intimately, even if our human state prevents us from fully knowing God." - Amy Tanner

On @mrdavebutler Instagram story about "who won Sunday":

"Follow Him so closely that you run into Him all the time." - unknown

@johnbytheway Instagram story:

"God already knows what we're made of, but perhaps he wants us to learn what we're made of." - John Bytheway

A quote from President Russell M. Nelson's April 2023 General Conference talk, Peacemakers Needed.

"My dear brother and sisters, how we treat each other really matters! How we speak to and about others at home, at church, at work, and online really matters. Today, I am asking us to interact with others in a higher, holier way. Please listen carefully. "If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy" that we can say about another person -- whether to his face or behind her back -- that should be our standard of communication." -- Russell M Nelson

On @mrdavebutler Instagram story about "who won Sunday":

"Jesus died so you wouldn't have to feel like this forever." - unknown Sunday School Teacher

On @mrdavebutler Instagram story about "who won Sunday":

"I need Jesus because I'm a repeat offender." - unknown young woman

While My Husband Served as Bishop

I began writing this when Nathan was called as Bishop of our ward in February 2018. Much of the first portion was written in late 2018 and then throughout 2019 and 2020. I've added details in retrospect in March 2023.

I pray and hope I never forget the power and healing that has come to me as I accept and act on this challenge. This year, my husband was called to be the bishop in our ward.

From the start, I was realistic with myself, knowing I would experience feelings of frustration, anger, resentment, and jealousy. I know I have tendencies toward these things. I even shared these worries with the Stake President just before he extended the call to my husband. Although I don't recall the exact words, he responded, "That's certainly something you'll have to work through." I also knew there would be blessings, and shortly after his call, we even experienced our own small miracle, which I saw as a gift from our loving Father. I now have a list of miracles I began compiling in the summer of 2022.

As much as our Heavenly Father knows what experiences and trials we need to experience to grow from our weaknesses and become like him, Satan is also keenly aware of our shortcomings. His detailed and specific attacks upon the most vulnerable aspects of my personality blindsided me. Attacks that were custom-tailored just for me - feelings of insignificance, exposure and vulnerability, judgment, and guilt about my feelings, to name a few. I never realized I was unprepared because I was doing what we should do to combat him and his influence.

It was difficult to adjust to having my husband be mentally absent. I felt the weight when he held something he couldn't share with me. I felt incredibly lonely. Knowing that other women were vulnerable with my husband was very difficult. I felt angry at ward members when I would hear them making judgments about things my husband was doing as bishop. One of our sons made some poor choices during the first couple of months my husband was serving. Through the ward grapevine, I heard how he was being spoken about. "Did you hear what the bishop's son did at school?" Didn't they understand that we didn't ask for this call and that we were all doing our best? I was confused why friends no longer spoke to me freely at church and why people who had never had anything to do with me now wanted to be extra friendly.

I felt that I had lost my identity when Nathan was called. In the matter of one day, I went from being a strong, independent woman named Wendy to "the bishop's wife." When people introduced me as the bishop's wife, it felt painful. We don't refer to anyone in other callings that way. When I was introduced that way, I would say, "Actually, my name is Wendy." Or when I was feeling especially defiant, I would refer to myself as "the bishop's mistress."

I felt exposed and discontent with myself (Elder Neal A Maxwell's definition of discontent). I felt that I'd feel better if I could just attend a different ward, vocally defend myself and my family, or retaliate against judgment and criticism. Ultimately, I felt I couldn't because I feared how it would reflect on Nathan.

It's weird to have your husband as your bishop. When I would share my feelings with Nathan, it felt that I could no longer talk to my husband. He had a hard time separating himself from the Bishop mentality. I would tell him, "I am talking to my husband, not the bishop. Stop telling me to love everyone and be kind."

I started believing these things wouldn't bother me if I were more righteous. Certainly, the prophet's wife didn't feel this way. (PS, why was I even comparing myself to the prophet's wife?) I would see this as a great blessing if I were righteous enough. If I were righteous enough, I wouldn't have any help consecrating all that I possess, my husband's time and energy, to building the kingdom of God.

For several months I would put on a brave face each morning until my children left for school and Nathan went to work. I would spend time crying in the shower or my closet almost daily. I wanted relief, strength to overcome, and God's love, but I felt nothing. A few times, I literally cried aloud, "God, please hear me."

Nearly every Sunday, I would sit in Sacrament meetings and cry, especially during the sacrament, because I wanted to rely on my Savior. Still, I couldn't feel anything, especially His strength or help.

Nathan and I fought more than usual that first year he served. At one point, he said, "If this is how it's going to be, I will ask to be released." I didn't want that for him, so I stopped sharing and tried to hide my feelings from him.

I continued to pour out my soul in prayer to my Heavenly Father. I tried faithfully serving as Relief Society First Counselor but ultimately asked to be released. I prayed for revelation for my ministering sisters, knowing that service is one of the best antidotes for depression. I received priesthood blessings from my husband. Despite doing these things, I found myself sinking into despair. I couldn't figure out how to rid myself of the darkness surrounding me.

Just days before the General Women's Conference, I reached a breaking point when, for the second time, I found myself in my closet, wishing I could just be dead. The thought startled and scared me. Never before had I thought about intentionally ending my life, and now I had considered it would be better twice in a matter of a few days.

I opened up to my husband about these thoughts. With his encouragement, I scheduled an appointment with a counselor for the following week.

I attended the women's session of General Conference a few days later with my mom and daughter. I did not want to go. Emotionally, I was a wreck. Sister Michelle Craig gave a talk that touched my heart called Divine Discontent. President Russell M Nelson also spoke to the women of the church and gave a challenge that I decided to accept wholeheartedly. These two talks quite literally saved my life at this time.

At the invitation of President Nelson, I took a break from social media and began reading the Book of Mormon at an accelerated rate. I took a copy with me everywhere I went. I canceled the counseling appointment because, for a time, I started to feel better. Eventually, I did make an appointment and spent time speaking with a counselor to clarify my role in supporting and sustaining my husband.

Just shy of two years into his time as bishop, Nathan had to go to Denver for a couple of weeks for work. I flew out to be with him for a few days. It was during this time that it became abundantly clear why my husband was MY bishop at this time. It is a very tender experience for me. I was able to have an open and frank conversation about a painful experience from my earlier life in an environment where I felt ready and safe.

I write this because when I first struggled, I could only find words online that focused on the blessings that came to families as a husband and father served as bishop. They would briefly say it was hard, and we struggled, but BLESSINGS! I'm glad these others could work past the struggles, but I needed someone to be real with me and let me know that I wasn't alone in my feelings. Not only do I feel like it would cheapen my experience and progress to gloss over the hard parts, but it may provide a false reality to those who follow.

We need not feel alone, broken, and misunderstood. In church culture, we can sometimes feel expected to fit in or appear perfect, even at a great cost to ourselves. I'm done with that. I want to be the best version of myself and draw closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father.

It's been a long ride. I have continued to struggle. Of course, not all of my struggles directly relate to Nathan's service. Most are the result of living in this world. I have gone to counseling on and off while my husband has served. I have had moments of strength and clarity, and seasons of waiting on the Lord for help. The Savior continues to meet me where I am. He met me in my anger, depression, and confusion. When I choose to allow it, he is there. He didn't change my feelings or force me to feel differently, but he allowed me to see a different perspective when I was ready. He has made me more confident. My experience has me feeling more empowered to take my place in the kingdom of God and His church.

My husband was released this past Sunday. I wasn't sure how I would feel. As it turns out, I felt sad, almost like mourning. And grateful. And I was emotionally overwhelmed with love from my Father in Heaven. As I've reflected for a couple of days, I realize that the past five years has held seasons of bitter, but I've also found profound sweetness. I'm grateful for the learning and growth from both.

Thoughts on Holiness

A short talk I gave at our Stake Sister's Conference in March 2023.

credit

The question, “What would a holy woman do?” causes a bit of uneasiness within me. In my fallen brain, this question can lead me to comparison and lack. As a recovering perfectionist who struggles to see and value my contributions, I constantly battle feelings of being enough. However, I desire with every bit of my soul for holiness.

For me, holiness is the process of seeking and submitting to the enticings of the Holy Ghost to guide my thoughts, words, and actions. Then trusting my heart to Jesus Christ to be transformed through the grace and mercy of His Atonement.

When asked to take on this assignment, I was deep in the middle of some frustrating and stressful situations. As I continued my daily efforts to connect with Heaven, and sought holiness, my Heavenly Father took my small efforts and taught and reminded me of a few things I’ll share with you.

First, I need to recognize and acknowledge that in many ways I am already a holy woman—more than I give myself credit for.

Second. I will look up rather than around at others. I will seek my Father’s will and validation in my pursuit of holiness.

Third, Holiness is about my focus on Jesus Christ and the condition of my heart.

Fourth, I lack, and I will continue to lack. That binds me to my Savior. During this holiness exercise, and due to some of the circumstances I mentioned earlier, for several days, I found myself terribly off-course mentally and emotionally, even though I pleaded for strength, patience, peace, and perspective. I accept that I stumble because of my weakness. I will trust in the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and move forward.

Fifth, Holiness is not an event. It’s a life-long process, a practice. I will continue to close the gap by yielding to the enticings of the Spirit. The Holy Ghost loves me perfectly, so I can trust the guidance I receive. 

Sisters, I doubt I’ll ever feel perfectly holy in this life. But, I will strive to become exact in my efforts for holiness. And I can repent when I fall short of that goal. I want to become like my Savior. If I know nothing else, I know He is holiness. I know He is compassionate, forgiving, patient, and merciful. Those are some of His holy qualities I want to practice with myself as I strive to become holy like He is.

General Conference Packet Roundup

It's nearly time for General Conference and it seems like I am always scrambling at the last minute to print out activity packets for my girls. Well, not this year.

Here's what I've found.

A conference packet directly from the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Also, a packet from Deseret News.

A packet from LDS Bookstore.

A packet from Somewhat Simple

A few ideas from The Red Crystal.

Sugardoodle has a conference section.

Katie's Blog-Ness has created a very cute Conference Train.

What are your favorite conference traditions?

Hearing Him Once in A While (Girl's Camp 2021 Recap Talk)

 Hearing Him Once in A While (Girl's Camp 2021 Recap Talk)

When I was a preteen, our refrigerator started to make a very loud bird squawk noise. In fact, it was so loud that whenever it happened, it would stop us from whatever we were doing, and we’d take notice. Obviously, this noise concerned my parents, who feared that the fridge’s death was imminent. A repairman told them that because of the age of the fridge, it should just be replaced. I grew up in a home where money was always in short supply, so my parents just decided to see how long it would last and hoped for the best.  For a while, the bird squawk would draw our attention from whatever we were doing, but we noticed it less and less as time went on. When friends or neighbors would come over to the house, they would say, “What was that noise?” or “Did you guys get a bird?” It would take us a moment to realize what they were talking about because we were learning to tune it out.  After all, it made noise on and off all day and night.  It eventually got to the point that when new people would ask about it, we would just tell them that we had a bird in our fridge and offer to show it to them. It was kind of our family joke. It didn't take long until we only noticed the noise when others would point it out. 

 

This went on for a year or two. After a short time, no one in my family noticed the noise anymore, and friends and neighbors who frequented our house didn’t notice it either. We had learned to overlook the squawking bird until one day, the fridge stopped working. At this point, my parents were forced to look into the issue, and thankfully my Dad was able to fix the problem, which was a fan, at little cost. The bird squawk was gone forever. 

 

This year’s camp theme was, Finding Our Value in Christ and Hearing Him.  Much of camp was based on President Russell M Nelson’s talk, Hear Him, from the April 2020 General Conference.

So what does a squawking bird refrigerator have to do with girl’s camp this year? Well, much like my family became so accustomed to the sound of the squawking bird fridge that we tuned it out and no longer heard it, the same can happen to us spiritually.  We can become so accustomed to the influence and whisperings of the Holy Ghost that we fail to recognize when we are being led and influenced consistently and regularly by Him.

 

During testimony meeting at girls camp, a consistent theme shared by multiple girls was that they enjoyed camp because they felt the spirit. That is a great thing!  I loved hearing that. However, many of these same young women got emotional as they also shared they hadn’t felt the spirit in a long time, and this was the first time in “quite a while” that they had felt it. My daughter shared this sentiment during her testimony.

This was concerning to me for several reasons. I hate to think of anyone only feeling the spirit once in a while. Still, it concerns me deeply that our amazing, valiant, and strong young women and young men may think their Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, are only interested in sharing their love on special occasions or in testifying of truth under exceptional circumstances, like camps and conferences. Father’s loving guidance is available anytime, any day, and anywhere.

We learn and feel the love of our Heavenly Father through the Spirit. Through the Spirit, we feel the effects of the atonement of Jesus Christ working in our lives. These manifestations of love build our sense of worth and value. We all need to feel the Spirit. How many of us have begun to think we only feel this once in a while? I know there have been times when I have felt this way. 

After we had returned home from camp, I pondered on this issue. As members of the church, we have been given the gift of the Holy Ghost. We may become so used to His companionship and constant guidance that we fail to recognize, realize, or acknowledge His consistent influence on us. We can become convinced that the only times we hear Him are in moments when we would say the spirit is powerful. Like when we have a burning in our chest, or we are filled with emotion, or another similarly strong feeling. However, we learn in Helaman 5:30 that most often, the Spirit is “…not a voice of thunder, neither …a voice of a great tumultuous noise, but behold, it [is] a ​​​still voice​ of perfect mildness, as if it had been a whisper….”

 

Knowing when we hear or feel the spirit can be difficult when we consistently try to do what is right because His voice becomes our voice.  His voice becomes second nature to us, and unfortunately, too often, it becomes commonplace. We only stop to recognize His words and influence when it’s powerful or comes to us in a different way or an uncommon setting. However, we can rest assured that we are always guided by the Spirit when we are trying to keep the commandments and be faithful. Even, and especially when we don’t do everything perfectly.  

  

President Nelson said, “We also hear him more clearly as we refine our ability to recognize the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. It has never been more imperative to know how the Spirit speaks to you than right now. In the Godhead, the Holy Ghost is the messenger. He will bring thoughts to your mind which the Father and Son want you to receive. He is the Comforter. He will bring a feeling of peace to your heart. He testifies of truth and will confirm what is true as you hear and read the word of the Lord. I renew my plea for you to do whatever it takes to increase your spiritual capacity to receive personal revelation.” 

“Doing so will help you know how to move ahead with your life, what to do during times of crisis, and how to discern and avoid the temptations and the deceptions of the adversary.” 

Some of the ways President Nelson suggests we can learn to Hear Him better are through temple attendance, family history work, scripture study, heeding the words of the prophets, and working to determine how the Holy Ghost speaks to us individually. 

I have been working on President Nelson’s last suggestion for the past few years, recognizing how I Hear Him. Rather than focusing on the strong spiritual manifestation sort of way, I have been working to hear Him in normal day-to-day and oftentimes mundane circumstances. Like most good gifts in the gospel, this requires work and consistency on my part. And unfortunately, I could be more diligent. But forcing myself to stop and consider my day or week regularly and the feelings and nudges I felt, and taking a minute to write down my thoughts after praying, have helped me identify patterns that I believe are how my Father communicates with me. It also helps me to see His hand more clearly in all areas of my life.

From personal experience, I know that depression and anxiety can make it more challenging to feel and hear Father speak to us through the Holy Ghost. During those times, we can make small choices to practice more exact obedience in one area. We can take time for intentional listening and look for ways to acknowledge the promptings we receive, no matter how small or insignificant. These times can allow us to exercise increased faith by looking forward with patience, humility, and long-suffering while waiting on the Lord. 

President Nelson goes on to say, “What will happen as you more intentionally hear, hearken, and heed what the Savior has said and what He is saying now through his prophets? I promise that you will be blessed with additional power to deal with temptation, struggles, and weakness. I promise miracles in your marriage, family relationships, and daily work. I promise that your capacity to feel joy will increase even if turbulence increases in your life.” 

If any of us feel like these dear young women, that we only feel the Spirit on special occasions, I pray that we will be guided to recognize when the Spirit is teaching and guiding us. Don’t tune out the squawking bird fridge because it has become commonplace. One day you may find that it’s no longer working. Brothers and Sisters, I pray that we will do the spiritual work necessary to feel and recognize the Spirit working in our lives daily. Not only do we need those manifestations of love for ourselves, but they strengthen us to share His love with those around us.

Jesus Christ's visit to Ancient America

I've been pondering a bit about how it would have felt to be alive at the time of Christ's visit to ancient America. ⁠⠀

The people had been through a literal nightmare. Destruction and devastation that I can't even begin to fathom. Death, darkness, and despair. Even those who believed in Jesus Christ were experiencing these awful circumstances. In those desperate moments, did they remember Samuel the Lamanite had prophesied that it would only last three days? Did it seem to go on longer than that? Did they begin to doubt that they would ever be delivered?⁠ Did they begin to feel that Samuel was wrong?⁠⠀
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Then, I can only imagine what that voice from heaven would have sounded and felt like! At first, they didn't understand. But when they turned their faces towards the sound and opened their hearts and minds to hear, they knew Christ was coming.⁠⠀
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And then there He was to rescue them in their circumstances. To bring them hope and light once more. They stood in His presence. He blessed them, healed them, taught them, had compassion on them, and loved them. After such bitter pain, distress, and anguish, I can only imagine the joy, peace, and comfort they felt with their Savior. I can only imagine!!⁠⠀
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#JesusChrist #ComeFollowMe⁠ #ICanOnlyImagine⁠⠀
🖼️ by @jkirkrichards "Every Knee Shall Bow"

Thoughts on Jonah (Old Testament Lesson 33)

Some personal thoughts and ramblings on the story of Jonah. 

credit: lds.org

I know the story of Jonah is usually shared as a way of teaching responsibility, but I saw it from a different perspective.

I was thinking that the story of Jonah may not be relatable to some because they say Jonah was a prophet and didn’t do what the Lord asked. However, yesterday I read (pg 70) that in the Old Testament when they say someone is a prophet, it means that they were called to prophesy or teach. It doesn’t always mean that they were the president of the church. So Jonah could have been an ordinary member like any of us.

Also, I see the story of Jonah as a story of agency - that we are agents to act and not be acted upon. Jonah chose to not listen to the Lord and doesn’t go to teach the people of Nineveh. He actually goes the complete opposite way. Seeing that he has endangered others, Jonah chose to be thrown overboard. Jonah chose to repent while in “hell” / inside the whale. Jonah then chose to do as the Lord commanded. Jonah chose to be irritated that the people repented and were not destroyed. Then the Lord teaches him about God’s love for all. 

Jonah chose to be thrown overboard.  In my view, this is an act of giving up control. Acknowledging that his use of agency has led to consequences he didn't intend. Now in the water, being tossed in the waves, Jonah's agency is limited; he's in bondage to his choice, and he is swallowed by a whale.

The whale that swallows Jonah is an act of divine love.  A trial or struggle provided by a loving parent to a wandering child.  It wasn't a punishment.  Of course, Jonah doesn’t view the whale as an act of love at that moment. He identifies himself in “the belly of hell.” However, the whale is likely the only reason Jonah doesn’t drown in the waves. It's intercession. This "tender mercy" is an opportunity to reflect, change and apply the atonement.

In life, I can choose to do things my way, or I can choose to try and follow God‘s will. If I choose to use my agency unwisely, I limit myself.  As I choose contrary to God‘s will, I will always find myself in “hell” - or in other words, I am choosing to separate myself from God and His love. However, our Heavenly Parents and our Savior, Jesus Christ, will always reach out to us when we turn our hearts back to them. - "...his hand is stretched out still."  When I choose to repent and re-align myself with God through the power of the atonement, I am teachable and learn of His love for me.

Isaac's Youth Talk on, The Holy Ghost is Our Guide

The talk Isaac gave in sacrament meeting on July 8, 2018.

This past April in General Conference, Elder Larry Y. Wilson of the Seventy talked about what an incomparable gift comes to those who put their faith in Jesus Christ. That gift is the Holy Ghost. I want to share a story from Elder Wilson’s talk, it says.

During the Korean War, Ensign Frank Blair served on a troop transport ship stationed in Japan. The ship wasn’t large enough to have a formal chaplain, so the captain asked Brother Blair to be the ship’s informal chaplain, having observed that the young man was a person of faith and principle, highly respected by the whole crew.

Ensign Blair wrote: “Our ship was caught in a huge typhoon. The waves were about 45 feet [14 m] high. I was on watch … during which time one of our three engines stopped working and a crack in the centerline of the ship was reported. We had two remaining engines, one of which was only functioning at half power. We were in serious trouble.”

Ensign Blair finished his watch and was getting into bed when the captain knocked on his door. He asked, “Would you please pray for this ship?” Of course, Ensign Blair agreed to do so.

At that point, Ensign Blair could have simply prayed, “Heavenly Father, please bless our ship and keep us safe,” and then gone to bed. Instead, he prayed to know if there was something he could do to help ensure the safety of the ship. In response to Brother Blair’s prayer, the Holy Ghost prompted him to go to the bridge, speak with the captain, and learn more. He found that the captain was trying to determine how fast to run the ship’s remaining engines. Ensign Blair returned to his cabin to pray again.

He prayed, “What can I do to help address the problem with the engines?” 

In response, the Holy Ghost whispered that he needed to walk around the ship and observe to gather more information. He again returned to the captain and asked for permission to walk around the deck. Then, with a lifeline tied around his waist, he went out into the storm. 

Standing on the stern, he observed the giant propellers as they came out of the water when the ship crested a wave. Only one was working fully, and it was spinning very fast. After these observations, Ensign Blair once again prayed. The clear answer he received was that the remaining good engine was under too much strain and needed to be slowed down. So he returned to the captain and made that recommendation. The captain was surprised, telling him that the ship’s engineer had just suggested the opposite—that they increase the speed of the good engine in order to outrun the storm. Nevertheless, the captain chose to follow Ensign Blair’s suggestion and slowed the engine down. By dawn the ship was safely in calm waters. 

Only two hours later, the good engine stopped working altogether. With half power in the remaining engine, the ship was able to limp into port.

The captain said to Ensign Blair, “If we had not slowed that engine when we did, we would have lost it in the middle of the storm.” 

Without that engine, there would have been no way to steer. The ship would have overturned and been sunk. The captain thanked the young LDS officer and said he believed that following Ensign Blair’s spiritual impressions had saved the ship and its crew.

I have a story of my own that I would like to share

Last year, when I was on trek, we were doing a hike by Dan Jones Cove.  While we were walking, I decided to go to the back where my dad was, and two other youth and one of the missionaries were. I was walking with them for a while when one of the youth had to go to the bathroom. Me, my dad, the missionary and the two other youth stopped and waited for one of the youth to go to the bathroom off in the bushes. When he got done we started walking again to catch up with the rest of the group, we didn’t make it that far when the youth that needed to go to the bathroom realized he didn’t have his wallet. We turned around went back to where we stopped before and started looking.

My dad and I decided to walk back farther to see if he had dropped his wallet farther back. While we were walking my dad had the idea that we should pray. So we prayed and asked Heavenly Father to help us find the wallet. When we finished the prayer we kept walking, we finally arrived back at Dan Jones Cove. I told my dad that I remembered seeing the person that lost his wallet sitting near a rock wall. My dad started looking around and then pulled himself up to a ledge where someone could sit, and he looked at the ledge, and there was a big crack in the rock. My dad looked down inside of the crack and saw the youth’s wallet sitting at the bottom. We got the wallet out and said a prayer to thank Heavenly Father for helping us find the wallet. We walked back to where the rest of the group was and met up with the two youth and missionary on our way there and returned the wallet.

In both of these stories, God helped by sending the Holy Ghost to guide us to fix the problem.

To receive revelation from the Holy Ghost, we have to be worthy. Elder Wilson said that we must be making an effort to align our lives with God’s commandments to be directed by Him.

In the first story Ensign Blair didn’t ask God to fix the problem, but instead, he asked God to know what to do to be part of the solution. So instead of asking God to fix all of our problems we should ask how we can fix the problem with his help.

In the second story when we prayed, we asked what God to help us find the wallet instead of asking to have the wallet turn up. We had to keep looking, and when we got back to the cove, the Holy Ghost helped me remember where the youth was sitting so we could find it.

In First Nephi chapter 15 verse 24 it says, "And I said unto them that it was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction."

This means that we need to listen and do the things that the Holy Ghost is telling us to do and that we need to not get distracted while doing it. If we do these things, then we will never perish, and it is harder for the adversary to tempt us.

A Perspective on Modesty - My Study Notes and Thoughts

This past September I was asked to teach a combined Young Women lesson on modesty.  I was nervous but excited for the opportunity, since it has been almost four years that I was released from the young women's organization.

To begin the discussion, I showed this picture and asked the following questions:

• What do you notice about the exterior of this building?
• Answers included: it was once a really cool house, old, dirty, run-down, unclean, etc...
• Based on the exterior of this building, what do you assume you might find inside?
• Answers included: dirt, dead bodies, spiders, mold, homeless people, etc...
• How might you feel spending time in this building? Why?
• Answers included: dirty, scared, unsafe, etc...
• In its current state, is this building as valuable as it could be?
• What changes would need to take place for this building to be restored to its original beauty?

Then I showed this picture and asked the following questions:

• What do you notice about the exterior of this building?
• Answers included: it's bright, lots of lights, it's a casino, flashy, gets your attention, etc...
• Based on the exterior of this building, what do you assume you might find inside?
• Answers included: gambling, money, alcohol, slot machines, lots of people, etc...
• I added that they may also find people laughing and having a good time, dance clubs, a bar, and potentially a strip club.
• How might you feel spending time inside this building? Why?
• Answers included: some girls said they would be scared to be kicked out and overwhelmed.  Others said they would be fine.

I made sure to point out to the girls that I found the bright lights to be very fun and inviting.  I wanted to set the stage for them to know that being honest about how they perceive things is okay.  It's okay to say that you find a casino inviting, it's designed to be that way.  I also included the talk of alcohol and strip clubs on purpose.  Again, I wanted them to feel it was acceptable to discuss things we usually don't talk about.

Next, I showed this picture and asked the following questions:

• What do you notice about the exterior of this building?
• Answers included: it's pretty, it's the temple, etc...
• Based on the exterior of this building, what do you assume you might find inside?
• Answers included: people dressed in white, Celestial room, font, the Spirit, beauty, ordinances, and covenants, etc...
• How might you feel spending time inside this building? Why?
• Answers included: love, peace, joy, hope, etc...

Finally, I showed this side-by-side comparison:

I asked the girls to look at these two buildings.  I asked the following questions:

• What lasting value is found within these two buildings?
• Which of these buildings is more beautiful?  Why do you feel that way?
• Which do you believe will provide you with lasting happiness?

As much as we would like to think it isn't so, we make assumptions based on the appearance and behavior of people and things.  We've just done that with these three buildings.

Then I told them I was there to talk about modesty.

I'm not going to post verbatim the rest of the lesson.  I'm just going to share my study notes and what I used to help guide the discussion that followed.

What is modesty to you?

Ask the girls for a brief overview of modesty standards:

• Dress – too small, too short, too low cut
• Behavior – keep legs crossed or together, no boob shots on social media
• Language – keep it clean, even through text and on social media
• Thought – if you wouldn’t say it or do it, chase the thought away

A Man's Perspective

In an effort for full disclosure and to show the girls I was serious, I told them I had talked to my husband, my two sons, and the bishop about what they would have me tell the girls.

• My husband, who serves in the bishopric, said that he can't count the times he has seen underwear during his Sunday visits to the YW.
• The girls were very shocked and embarrassed by this revelation.
• I told them to keep their legs closed. Crossed legs don't help the situation and in most cases, make the problem worse.
• My two sons said that for the most part, they felt the girls in our ward dressed modestly at church, but that they didn't at school.
• My oldest son said that he wished the girls understood that he tries not to think about them inappropriately, but that he wishes they understood that when they dress for attention it doesn't make him "like" them or make him interested in getting to know them more, he just lusts after a body. He views them as objects.
• I really hope the girls understood this part. I tried to help them understand that lust and love are not the same things. Dressing for attention is not going to get you love and acceptance.
• Bishop's thoughts are toward the end.

Modesty is

“Modesty is a God-given principle that can help us learn to use our bodies appropriately here in mortality.

The definition of modesty in True to the Faith is “An attitude of humility and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior.” Modesty is not vain or boastful. Modest people do not use their bodies or their behavior to seek approval from the world or to draw attention to their own real or supposed accomplishments or desirable attributes.” [Carol F. McConkie]

“…the way we dress accurately reflects who we really are and what we are about.” [Jan Pinborough]

• Modesty shows we know who we are.  We recognize our identity as a daughter of God.
• “…the choices we make to appear and behave modestly send a powerful message that we understand our identity as sons and daughters of God and that we have chosen to stand in holy places.” [Carol F McConkie]
• Our clothing is more than just covering for our bodies; it reflects who we are and what we want to be, both here in mortality and in the eternities that will follow. [Elder Robert D. Hales]
• Modesty is an outward expression of our testimony of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
• “When we choose to wear modest clothing and behave with a modest demeanor, we wear and we live our testimony of God the Eternal Father and of His Son, Jesus Christ. We witness by our physical appearance that we are Disciples of Christ and that we live His gospel.” [Carol F McConkie]
• For Latter-day Saints, the way we dress demonstrates our understanding of and commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  In a world that constantly tries to undermine our sense of who we are and what we can become, observing the principle of modesty can improve our confidence. [Silvia H. Allred]
• Immodesty is rebellion, self-centered, and a denial of our identity.
• Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught, “To those who know and understand the plan of salvation, defiling the body is an act of rebellion [see Mosiah 2:36–37] and a denial of our true identity as sons and daughters of God.” We choose to care for and protect our bodies so that we may be instruments in the hands of God to bring about His glorious purposes (see Alma 26:3). [Carol F McConkie]
• We don’t break God’s commandments, we break ourselves against them.
• Modesty shows we understand and keep our covenants.
• Modesty in dress, appearance, thought, and behavior is evidence that we understand the covenants we have made that bless us, protect us, and empower us in our preparation to return to His presence. When we were baptized, we stepped out of the world and into the kingdom of God. Everything must be different for us. Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “By choosing to be in His kingdom, we separate—not isolate—ourselves from the world. Our dress will be modest, our thoughts pure, our language clean.”  [Carol F McConkie]
• Ultimately, how we dress will greatly influence our obedience to commandments and devotion to covenants. Dressing modestly will guide our attitudes and behavior as we conduct our daily lives. In time our dress may even determine who our friends and associates may be, thus influencing whether we live worthy of enjoying the blessings of happiness in this world and for eternity. [Elder Robert D. Hales]
• Modesty invites the Spirit to be our companion.
• Modesty is a defense against evil influences.
• Modesty is a defense against such evil influences and a protection of chastity and virtue. Listen to these words in For the Strength of Youth: “Before marriage … do not do anything … that arouses sexual feelings.” Immodest appearance and behavior will often arouse sexual feelings and will break down barriers and invite increased temptation to break the law of chastity. [Carol F McConkie]
• Modesty is a requirement for a disciple of Christ.
• Modesty enables us to “stand as witnesses of God at all times” (Mosiah 18:9). Each of us reflects the Light of Christ when we are modest and pure and keep the commandments. Modesty is a witness of our testimony of the Savior and of the gospel of Jesus Christ. [Carol F McConkie]
• Modesty is where purity and chastity are rooted.
• Modesty is at the center of being pure and chaste, both in thought and deed. Thus, because it guides and influences our thoughts, behavior, and decisions, modesty is at the core of our character. Our clothing is more than just covering for our bodies; it reflects who we are and what we want to be, both here in mortality and in the eternities that will follow. [Elder Robert D. Hales]
• Modesty means you guard the virtue within yourself and within others, especially those who hold the priesthood.
• Being a guardian of virtue means you will always be modest not only in your dress but also in your speech, your actions, and your use of social media. Being a guardian of virtue means you will never text words or images to young men that may cause them to lose the Spirit, lose their priesthood power, or lose their virtue. It means that you understand the importance of chastity because you also understand that your body is a temple and that the sacred powers of procreation are not to be tampered with before marriage. You understand that you possess a sacred power that involves the holy responsibility of bringing other spirits to earth to receive a body in which to house their eternal spirit. This power involves another sacred soul. You are a guardian of something “more precious than rubies.” Be faithful. Be obedient. Prepare now so that you may qualify to receive all the blessings that await you in the Lord’s holy temples. [Elaine S. Dalton]

Satan’s lies about modesty and our bodies

• You need the attention of someone else to feel good about yourself or to be special.
• Physical attention or intimacy will make you feel good, special and worthy of love.
• Your body – how it looks and how others view it – is what defines your worth.
• Your behavior, dress, attitude, and language only affect you.

Teachings against these lies:

Elder D. Todd Christopherson

• “…revealing dress …not only debases women but reinforces the lie that a woman’s sexuality is what defines her worth.”

Elder Robert D. Hales

• Our bodies are the temples of our spirits. Additionally, our bodies are the means by which we can bring souls from the presence of God to their mortal state. When we recognize our bodies as the gifts they are and when we understand the missions they help us fulfill, we protect and honor them by how we act and dress.

I spoke with our bishop while preparing for this lesson to understand what he would want the girls to know about modesty.  These were points that I wanted to make sure the girls understood

Bishop wanted to girls to know – church should be a safe place for everyone.  That includes individuals – young men, men, young women and women who struggle with pornography.

• When we attend a Church meeting, our purpose is to worship our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ. Our clothing should show our reverence for Them. We do not dress to attract attention to ourselves, thus distracting others and causing the Spirit to depart. [Elder Robert D. Hales]
• If we dress or act with the intention to distract others at church, that is wrong.
• When we dress for attention, we are not inviting the Spirit to be with us. We act differently when we are dressed for the world’s attention. Moreover, what we wear will influence the behavior of others toward us. How we dress affects how people react to us. It also demonstrates where our heart and spirit really desire to be. [Elder Robert D. Hales]
• How we feel on the inside shows on the outside. We show love and respect for ourselves and others by our attitude, speech, and dress. We show love and respect for Church leaders and ward or branch members by speaking, dressing, and behaving in a manner that does not bring inappropriate attention to ourselves. We show love and respect for friends and associates when our language, dress, and behavior are not provocative or unduly casual. And we show love and respect to the Lord through humble dress and behavior. [Elder Robert D. Hales]

Who we need to be

Margaret D. Nadauld, “The world has enough of women who are tough; we need women who are tender.  There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind.  There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.  We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need women of faith.  We have enough greed; we need more goodness.  We have enough vanity; we need more virtue.  We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”

Back to the pictures from the beginning of the lesson:

• When I look at the casino, I am reminded of the word, “vanity”.  When I look at the temple, I think of the word, “virtue”.
• Vanity means excessive pride in or admiration for one’s own appearance or achievements; the quality of being worthless or futile; old English = empty
• Virtue means high moral standards; virginity and chastity; a pattern of thought and behavior, power
• Vanity is empty.  It is nothing.  Virtue is power, chastity and a requirement for a Disciple of Christ.  
• Immodesty is the casino.  There is nothing of lasting value inside or out. It is vain, or in another word, empty.
• However, if we treat our bodies as they really are, a temple, we will have virtue – strength, hope, peace, confidence.
• So what if you find yourself in the mindset of the casino or the old run-down house?  Is it too late for you?
• It's never too late to make a change.
• It's never too late to use the atonement of Jesus Christ.
• You came to this earth with an individual worth that is unchanging. No matter what you do or say here, your worth does not change.
• You are a daughter of God. He loves you and his love doesn't change.

FYI - these notes in no way cover this topic completely.  I prayerfully considered and studies this topic to present the discussion from a place of love and concern.