Mother's Day Shenanigans

A couple of artistic moments were captured just after church services. We were waiting for Nathan to finish chatting with folks so we could head home.

Once home, we posed for more official photos.

I also got a social media shoutout from Elder Harwood. Jared and Kaylee also stopped by later in the day and gave me a beautiful granite necklace. I'm pretty spoiled.

#MomFail - Sunday Shoes

For Christmas, Clara got a new church dress.  It's black with sequins and is very cute on her.  The Sunday following Christmas Day, she wanted to wear her new dress and so I helped her put it on. Later, I asked her to go get her black church shoes on so we could leave to go to church.  When we arrived at church and sat down, I noticed this....

#momfail #itry

My Mother

Happy Mother's Day to my Momma!! My mom showed me by her example how to be organized, how to be a leader and that it's OK to be a strong, independent woman. Most of all she taught me to give it my all, no matter what "it" is. She also tried to teach me homemaking skills but I didn't have the patience for it back then. Now, I wish I had listened better. I love you!!

A few quotes I am liking concerning Mothers/Mother's Day:

We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.”  Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Mother's Day should pay "tribute to our nature not our circumstance."

Motherhood Monday - Righteous Rearing

I haven't done a Motherhood Monday in a while, but I came across a quote this past weekend that really struck me.

It is found in Chapter 1 - The Great Commandment - Love the Lord from Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Ezra Taft Benson.

Here's the quote:

"You mothers, who are especially charged with the righteous rearing of the youth of Zion, are you not putting God first when you honor your divine calling? … Our mothers put God first when they fill their highest mission within the walls of their own homes."

• My take away from this quote: 
• Motherhood is accomplished by honoring our divine calling to righteously rear our children. When we do this, we put the Lord first in our lives. 
• 
  
• My Thoughts:
• First, it hit me that like any other calling or role we have, we all carry it differently.  Every "calling" in our church is left to the individual to magnify and fulfill according to their own training, ability and conscience. Motherhood is no exception.

Now, I'm not suggesting that anyone should use this as an excuse to disregard their sacred responsibilities concerning their family.  I just mean to point out that as long as we are striving to do our best to teach and nurture our children (notice I said striving here - there are always bad days/weeks), we don't need to worry about how anyone else is mothering.

Second, I like the term "righteous rearing".  Righteous rearing takes on a different form for different women. Righteousness, in some cases, is based on understanding and knowledge. Righteous rearing would indicate that we ourselves are striving to stay in tune with our Heavenly Father to receive specific guidance for ourselves, our children and our collective family.  The term righteous rearing enables individual adaptation of this divine role, instead of a one-size-fits-all Motherhood mentality.

Motherhood Monday - Obedience Through Our Faithfulness

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"...The challenges associated with having faith in Jesus Christ and obedience will be more difficult for some than others.... Each of us is a son or daughter of God, and we have a unique premortal and mortal story. Accordingly, there are very few one-size-fits-all solutions. And so I fully recognize the trial-and-error nature of life and, most importantly, the constant need of the second principle of the gospel, even repentance.

While some very intelligent and insightful people might believe our more complex time demands ever more complex solutions, I am far from convinced they are right. Rather, I am of the frame of mind that today’s complexity demands greater simplicity...

Too often we think of obedience as the passive and thoughtless following of the orders or dictates of a higher authority. Actually, at its best, obedience is an emblem of our faith in the wisdom and power of the highest authority, even God. When Abraham demonstrated his unwavering faithfulness and obedience to God, even when commanded to sacrifice his son, God rescued him. Similarly, when we demonstrate our faithfulness through obedience, God will ultimately rescue us.

Those who rely solely on themselves and follow only their own desires and self-inclinations are so limited when compared to those who follow God and tap into His insight, power, and gifts. It has been said that someone who is all wrapped up in himself or herself makes a very small package. Strong, proactive obedience is anything but weak or passive. It is the means by which we declare our faith in God and qualify ourselves to receive the powers of heaven. Obedience is a choice. It is a choice between our own limited knowledge and power and God’s unlimited wisdom and omnipotence."

Taken from Elder L Tom Perry's Obedience through Our Faithfulness



I was reading this talk the other day and these passages really struck me, especially in relation to my feeling on motherhood.  I'm not going to share why today, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.  In your opinion, how does this apply to motherhood?  Do you think it applies at all?

Motherhood Monday - Can Your Child Really Talk to You?

Yesterday, in church, our Bishop gave a lesson based on the Ensign article, Can Your Child Really Talk to You? by Brad Wilcox.  It is definitely worth the read.

Sometimes I fail to communicate well with this child of mine.  So, I am going to be trying to implement some of these suggestions.

Notes from the article:

Sometimes children build invisible walls around themselves... They may build them for protection, or perhaps because of feelings of insecurity, distrust, fear, or misunderstanding. How can parents most effectively penetrate such barriers? How do we talk to children who don’t particularly want to talk to us? How do we make ourselves into the kind of people our children will open up to?

We must find a way to remove the obstacle. We can look over the wall, or find a loose brick to let us through, or dismantle it entirely. Although the responsibility for removing obstacles of communication is one shared by both parents and children, this article focuses on what parents can do to help improve communication with their children.

Learning to communicate with our children can be done in 3 ways:

• Look over the Wall
• Find the Loose Brick
• Dismantle the Wall.

LOOK OVER THE WALL

Do you love me? Do you care? Am I a priority in your life? Such questions rarely come directly from children, but they do come. Often, the most important part of communication is to hear what isn’t being said. Children’s emotions and needs are usually expressed in coded messages that we must receive and interpret.

Remember when your child was a baby? He cried, and you didn’t know why. You thought, I wish he could just talk to me and tell me what he wants! As children get older, they still don’t know how to voice needs clearly. They just give off signals, and you have to figure out what they really need. In their own way, they may still be crying—only now, the tears are inside.

FIND THE LOOSE BRICK

Rand Packer wrote, “Having laid a few brick walls in my time, I have discovered that every wall has a weakness, a brick that is loose. … My dad had taught me long ago that part of working with young men is discovering the flaws in their armor, the weaknesses in their walls, and then to tap away at them until you gain entrance to their lives” (Congratulations—It’s a Dad, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 2). When working with a child who has built a wall around himself, we must find the loose brick—the one interest, dream, or ability that will let us penetrate the wall. A brick may be motorcycles, sports, food, computers, horses, guitars, skateboards, or even journal writing. 

Once we locate that loose brick, it may be just a matter of spending the time required to push and pull at it until we break through the wall.

DISMANTLE THE WALL

Dismantling the wall is done in 3 ways:

1. Love
2. Trust
3. Respect

LOVE - Perhaps the reason some parents have difficulty talking with children is the way love is communicated. We tend to take on more of a “boss” role. We exercise authority over them, demand accountability, and then, if they comply and put together a good enough track record, we finally convey our approval and love. That is not how God approaches us as his children.

Our caring and love must be constant—given first, and given freely, through good and bad, transgression or testimony, brilliant success or utter failure. Regardless of their choices, children need our nonjudgmental love.

TRUST - Trust is also important in communication. One parent asked, “How can I trust my child? He is totally untrustworthy.” The truth of the matter is, we don’t have a choice. We can’t follow children around the rest of their lives. In God’s eyes are we, as adults, always totally trustworthy? Yet, Heavenly Father trusts us with many things, including his restored gospel. Perhaps he is giving us something to live up to—focusing on our potential as his children and not on our current problems. Our children need the same message from us.

 Trusting relationships can be established by allowing for some freedom and by keeping confidences. Another way to gain trust is to compliment young people.

RESPECT - Showing respect for young people allows for open communication.

The quality of our communication with our children will improve in direct proportion to the amount of respect we show them when we talk together. 

Motherhood Monday - Focus on Service & Christ-like Love

In LDS General Conference this past April, Elder Ronald A. Rasband said,

"Focusing on serving our brothers and sisters can guide us to make divine decisions in our daily lives and prepare us to value and love what The Lord loves."  

I believe that my children are my heavenly brothers and sisters, as we are all children of our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother.  When I read this quote, my mind automatically went to my children rather than to my other "heavenly brothers and sisters" who surround me in this world.  

The Lord loves and values my children individually.  He also loves and values the role of motherhood.  If I want to increase my love for my children and place a higher value on my role as a mother, this quote holds good counsel for me.

I need to focus on serving my children and show them Christ-like love.  In turn, I will be guided to make "divine decisions" that will entice me to value and love what the Lord loves... my children and motherhood.  I know, I know.... easier said than done. 

Elder Rasband goes on to say,

"When we are engaged in His work, we feel His Spirit with us.  We grow in testimony, trust, and love."

Elder Rasband was specifically talking about helping others when he gave this talk, but our Heavenly Father has a lot of "work" to be done.  So, again, I tweaked this quote toward motherhood.  After all, isn't motherhood also considered, "His work"?  So when I am ENGAGED in His work (motherhood), I will feel His Spirit within me.  I will grow, individually, in testimony, in trust, and in love.  YES, PLEASE!!

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What do you take from this quote?

Motherhood Monday - Running Partners

Apparently I'm still cool enough to hang out with and I guess my kids like me enough that it really doesn't matter what we do, as long as we are together.  That makes me feel really awesome, especially since I mess up the "mothering/nurturing" thing so often.  I sometimes joke with Nathan that we don't need to be perfect parents, we just need to save up for the counselors our kids are going to need.  :)

I love that my boys will go out and run around the neighborhood with me.  I love that they are bummed when they have plans that won't permit them to tag along.  Normally there isn't a ton of communicating going on... I'm usually just trying to breathe and not die, but it's time alone for me and my kids.

Even when they get tired and refuse to jog, the conversation and bonding is always great.  Just after I snapped this picture, Isaac asked me if I had any money.  I told him I hadn't brought anything like that with me.  He said, next time, he was going to bring some money so we could stop at the nearby gas station and buy a candy bar to eat on the jog home! Bahaha!!!  I love that kid!

Nathan told me not long ago that as a younger man he struggled to come up with a way he could bond with his mother.  They didn't have a lot of the same interests and she wasn't able to get down and wrestle or be active with him.  He said that he finally figured out that they both liked TV and movies.  So occasionally they would watch TV together and go to movies.  He told me that he was glad the boys and I are doing this together, because it provides us an opportunity for me to do something with them - something that we can bond over.

Who knows how long they will continue to enjoy this and want to go with me.  Who am I kidding?  Who knows how long I am going to last do the thing I dislike the most.  But while it lasts, I'll take it!

Tuesday, the Make-up Motherhood Monday - Camping

I missed my first Motherhood Monday, but I guarantee you I have a very legitimate reason.  I was busy this whole weekend hanging out and camping with my family.  No time to blog when those activities are going on.

And anyway, it's like a Monday - kind of.

Today, I want to focus on the fact that my kids still like hanging out with me and Nathan.  I know that this won't last forever and I feel that Jared is already on the verge of thinking that his friends are way more fun than us.  But, for this moment, right now, Nathan and I are still legit.

This past Memorial Day Weekend, we went camping up by Mill Hollow with some of my extended family.  I didn't take very many pictures unfortunately.

The first night, we ended up camping in a parking lot and in the morning Clara and Grandma drew pictures with sidewalk chalk.

Once we got setup in our actual camping spot, it started to sprinkle and it was pretty chilly.  I had purchased a couple of puzzles from the dollar store in preparation.  I thought this 100 piece puzzle would be a good challenge for Amelia, but it turns out that I severely underestimated her ability to put together puzzles.  She still had fun though.

The boys and some of their cousins kept themselves busy and warm by digging a big hole.  Isaac utilized the pick ax to make the whole deeper.

Sometimes when you're in close quarters for a few days you can get on each other's nerves, and Jared and Isaac are no exception to this.  After a pretty good disagreement, I made them stay in the trailer until they could say sorry to each other and hug.  They tried to protest, but I wouldn't let up.

Proof that they actually like each other!

And if they knew I was posting this online for the world to see, they'd die of embarrassment.

Overall the weekend was really fun.  We had a great time eating, chatting, shooting BB guns, looking at wildlife, and hanging out with family.

I really am so blessed by these guys and I am so glad that they like to go camping with me.

Motherhood Monday

Ah motherhood.

Sometimes I feel like a strange creature from another planet when other women start talking about motherhood.  This role that they longed for, planned for, enjoy with all of their heart, might, mind and soul.

That is not to say that I don't want or love my children.  I do love them and I would die if they were taken from me.  But am I seriously the only person who finds that the struggles of motherhood -the time, stress and thanklessness of the job - often overshadow/outnumber the love, kindness, and gratitude that are returned?

I can't be the only one!

At the risk of being judged horribly by those who don't want to understand, I am not afraid to admit that when I was growing up, motherhood was not my main goal.  I did not like to babysit, I did not like to play with dolls, and I never had the opportunity to help take care of younger siblings.  But, I always knew that, body-function permitting, I would have children.  I believe in family and children.  I know it's God's plan for us.  I want to be obedient and fulfill my divine role.  But, I struggle to find the joy from motherhood that so many other women seem to just relish.

The other night I was pondering on this incompatibility I feel and an idea was born in me.  The problem is not that my kids are bad and I am not a bad mother.  I actually believe that if I could see into the houses of pretty much everyone I know, the similarities with me and my family would be almost disturbing.  The problem may just be my focus.  I need to take a little more time to focus on the blessings my children bring into my life rather than always trying to fix the problems and stresses that all children have.

One of the biggest problems is that I am struggling to see the forest for the trees.  Meaning, I struggle to see the blessing of my children and the overall joy they bring to my life because I have a hard time looking past the often mundane, day to dayness of raising children.  So what is the solution?

The thought came to me that I need to refocus my efforts on being grateful. More effort into pointing out their positive qualities.  More effort into why my life is more complete because I have four wonderful people I can call my own.  

So the idea was born to start a Motherhood Monday here on my blog.  I'm going to focus on positive qualities I notice in my kids through the previous week, positive thoughts I have about myself as their mother, positive motherhood quotes, and basically anything that helps me be more positive about this VERY important role at which I'm working.

I'm going to try to post weekly, but some weeks just might get away from me.  That's just the way it is - cause after all, I'm a mom and I have more important people to look after! :)

I'd love for you to join me in Motherhood Monday.  Share your positive motherhood thoughts with me in the comments!

Mother Son Movie

Each year the PTA at my kids' school sponsors a mother son activity.  In year's past we have watched movies in the gym of the school, watched a bird's of prey presentation and experienced a reptile show.

This year, we all gathered at a local movie theater for a private showing of The Lego Movie.  The boys loved it and I thought it was good too.

I tried to get some pictures, but I kind of failed at getting anything good.  Next time I'll have to remember to take pictures before or after the movie where it is light....

So here are the not-so-great pictures I did manage to take.  I'm not sure what I'm doing with my mouth in the first one.

Not blurry, but still a bad picture.

Love these boys!

What I Learned While Serving in the Young Women's Organization

I am scared to post this one.  It has been written and sitting as a draft on my blog for a couple of months now.  It is a part of me that I am not particularly proud of and it is still a work in progress. Please be kind and understanding even if you don't understand - after all this is my blog and I can say what I want and you don't have to like it :)

Girl's Camp 2013

Serving in they Young Women's organization has changed me.  Before I was asked to serve as the Camp Director 5 years ago, my life was filled with my work - my work outside of my home.  Yes, I had good times with my kids and my husband, but most of the fulfillment I felt in life came from my job.  

I am good at my job.  I go to work, do what needs to be done and cross responsibilities off of my "to do" list.  There is some variation in the things that need to be done, but for the most part, I know my role, I know my responsibilities, and I know how to get the job done.

Being a wife and mother is a completely different thing.  There is not a set way to do things.  Kids are not computers and don't do exactly what you tell them to do.  They do not always react the same way to situations and problems.  One day is different than the next, each with its own struggles and issues to deal with.  

I have come to realize that I am not good with change.  I like habits, patterns and known outcomes.  Habits and patterns and predictable outcomes make me happy.  Because of this, I struggle to be the mom I want to be and the mom I think I should be.  I struggle to be patient with my children.  I struggle to control my temper with them.  I struggle when I cannot control them.  I really can get down on myself for not reacting lovingly and patiently to circumstances and situations.  Because I don't feel I handle my role as mother well, I do not find a lot of fulfillment from it.

As I served with the Young Women in my ward for camp and eventually as the 1st counselor in the Young Women's presidency, I felt a pull.  I found something else that I was good at.  Instead of mostly finding my fulfillment at my job, I was now finding it in serving the Young Women.  The girls seemed to like me and I liked them.  We had fun together.  We learned new things about the gospel together.  We felt the spirit together.

As I studied and prepared lessons for the girls, I would share what I was learning for Family Home Evening or in conversations over dinner. I also started working on the Personal Progress Program so that I could set a good example for the young women and I also had a desire to better myself and, hopefully, in turn become a better mother.  Gospel learning became fun for me and I learned that I had an appetite for it that I had never before experienced.

As my knowledge increased and as I tried harder to focus my thoughts on my divine roles, I felt myself desiring to be at home with my children more.  I didn't want to be at work anymore.  Don't get me wrong,  I am very grateful for my job and the monetary blessings it brings to my family.  Also, my employer has been good to me and can be flexible with my schedule.  But, more and more I was finding myself wanting to be at the school helping with reading or waiting at home for the children when they got out of school.

I have a great deal of respect for women who can work outside the home and still be a loving devoted wife and mother, but I personally struggle to play both roles - and do them well.

For a long time I didn't catch the connection.  I just knew that I wasn't finding a great deal of fulfillment from my job anymore.  Unfortunately, it isn't possible for me to be a stay-at-home mom at this point in my life, so I have really struggled with this.  I could go on about this, but maybe that is another post for another day.

Then one day, a wise man pointed out to me that perhaps my desire to be with my children more came from an increase in knowledge about my divine role as wife and mother.  Knowledge I had gained through preparing and teaching lessons and working on Personal Progress.  Though I still struggle to be the mother I want to be and, at times, I still really struggle to see fulfillment in what can sometimes seem like a thankless calling, I am truly grateful for the shift in perspective.

I look back at my attitude towards my children and the role of motherhood 5 years ago and then compare it to where I am today and realize I still have a ways to go, but I really feel like I am on the right path now.  I am grateful that my Heavenly Father allows me to grow and change and become better day to day.  I am grateful that he loves me even when I have a really bad "mom" day and he encourages me to keep trying.  If he can "entice" me through the Holy Ghost to change this much in the past 5 years, I am excited to see where I'll be at in another 5 years.

So really, my callings in the Young Women organization were for my benefit and not for the Young Women at all!  I know that is not entirely true, but I really feel like I gained more from those callings than I was ever give back to the girls I served.

Finally, I am grateful for forgiving children and a loving and forgiving husband.  They really are my biggest fans and supporters.

**You can read my cousin's reply to this post by clicking here: Finding fulfillment in motherhood.

A Reminder to Take Advantage of Small Moments

See the scary monster with the angry scowl below....This is how I felt the other day.  I had to work really hard to keep the BEAST from coming out.

Rewind to earlier that day, I read a blog post about cherishing more moments.  I liked that the author pointed out that it is impossible to cherish every moment.  We have lives and there are things that we must take care of and do.  But it is possible to take advantage of some moments.

After work, I stopped to pick up the kids and soon we were on our way home.  There I was, in my car with all of my children, feeling stressed, hot, and working really hard not to bark at them to be quiet and stop touching each other.

It was then that I heard a faint song in the background.  I reached down and turned up the radio.  It was "Good Morning" by Mandisa.  Usually the radio station only plays this song in the morning, but here it was playing at 4 o'clock in the afternoon.  My kids and I really like this song, so I turned it up and started singing along at the top of my lungs.  Soon all of the kids had joined in.

It definitely lifted my spirits.  When I arrived home, instead of jumping into my normal routine (straightening up, starting dinner, going through the mail, etc) I went into the living room and laid down on the floor.  I told myself, "Take a moment.  Those things can wait."  

Soon Clara was at my side asking for a snack.  I got up, got her a small bowl of cheerios from the kitchen and returned to the living room floor with her trailing behind me.  She jabbered about this and that and spilled her cheerios at least twice.

For a minute she settled on talking about her upcoming birthday, proudly announcing to me that she will soon be three - all the while only holding up one finger.  I tried to teach her how to hold up three fingers, but she finally tired of me trying to manipulate her pudgy little hands.

Then she asked me to take a picture of her.  She loves pictures.  Each time a picture is snapped, she must see that picture before another can be taken.

As I sat there snapping pictures and listening to her speak, I was overwhelmed, but in a good way. Overwhelmed with her beautiful blue eyes, with how well she speaks, with the way her brain works.  I was overwhelmed with her wonderful laughter, her silly faces, her voice when she sings.  I am overwhelmed that she is going to be three in a few short weeks.  Where has the time gone? When did my baby grow up?

I need these quiet moments to cherish my children, to remind me that motherhood is not as thankless as it sometimes feels.  Motherhood is not just about feeding and clothing my children and making sure they have a clean home to live in.  It is not just about teaching them to sit reverently during church or making sure they finish their homework.  Motherhood is for me too.  

I need to take advantage of these moments more often.  Yes, life is busy.  Yes, there are things that I must do and times when I simply cannot choose to just sit on the living room floor for an hour.  But I can still take advantage of other times.  Times when I do not have pressing responsibilities to attend to.  Times that I can choose to cherish each of my babies, before it's too late.

These small moments help me to truly see these beautiful little people I helped to create.  These moments help me see past the stress those little people bring upon Nathan and I.  Past the tantrums, trouble and messes that seem to follow them around.  These moments are a good reminder that while feeding my children and teaching them responsibility are good things, I must stop and taste the fruit of my labor occasionally.  That day while I sat and watched my amazing little girl and admired her sweet little face, I realized just how sweet that fruit really is.

back to reality and priorities

just a warning before you start reading.  this post is long-winded, a little whiny, and rambles - but i do reach a conclusion in the end. :)

a text picture i sent to my hubby back in april - this is better than a picture of me whining, i promise!

the past month has gone by in kind of a blur.  first girl's camp, then trek, our town's outdoor movie, bbq, rodeo and parade, then the 4th of july with all its festivities.  my schedule has been thrown out the window and i need it back!

one month ago, how did i fit kids, house cleaning, planning and preparing meals, buying groceries, family home evening, family scripture study, family prayer, personal scripture study, personal prayer, couple prayer, my calling in the yw, and work all in 24 hours a day?  and don't even get me started on taking time to do a hobby.  i think i've either got really lazy or i'm suffering from amnesia!

i was speaking with nathan about this a few days ago and he suggested that i just needed to realign my priorities.  get back to what was most important.  i pondered on that a bit, but honestly which of these things is the most important?

a few days ago, i also took a learning style quiz and discovered (probably already knew) that i'm an interpersonal learner, mostly. meaning that it like to talk it out, get other's insights and have a discussion. so blogland, let's have a discussion about what my highest priority should be right now.

house cleaning - to some of you this is a no-brainer to toss on the back burner.  but i cannot function in an unorganized mess, my brain shuts down.  i have to start my day, everyday, by making my bed.  i wish i could be like some other people and just look past it, but i am not wired that way.  this doesn't mean that i scrub my floors everyday, i just need to have things picked up, put away and the kitchen counters clean.  my ability to be a good mother is directly affected by my ability to relax in my home.  a mess in my home = an impatient, unfocused mother.

planning and preparing meals - i was doing awesome, double awesome in this area before the start of my summer activities.  i fell off the band wagon somewhere at the beginning of june.  working outside of my home full time requires that i have to plan ahead in this area.  i simple cannot come home and throw something together night after night.  meat needs to be thawed, ingredients need to be purchased and prepared.  most meals must be planned out in advance.  i found this awesome meal planner by vertex42 and was using it pretty religiously up until it all fell apart.

buying groceries - i think this is one of the worst task known to man.  i do not like to grocery shop.  maybe i would like to grocery shop if i had an unlimited supply of cash and i could just throw whatever i want into my cart.  that is not the case at the moment.  nathan and i have some specific financial goals right now that have me on a pretty tight leash when it comes to our discretionary income, and guess what people, grocery money is discretionary income.  another reason that grocery shopping is super dumb - remember i said i work full-time, who wants to spend their saturday (their only day off) at the grocery store.  not me!  i try to rope my hubby into the shopping with me as often as i can because it at least makes it a little more fun.  i think he would rather pull his toenails out most of the time.  we even grocery shop for date night sometimes.

family home evening, family scripture study, family prayer, personal scripture study, personal prayer, couple prayer - these are all no brainers.  i cannot cut these out or make them less of a priority.  we slacked a little in this area over the last month and let me tell you, my family is different.  i am different.  we've been trying hard to do these things that we have been asked to do for a few years.  sometimes we are good and sometimes we slack and need to recommit.  i know we are promised great blessing if we will obey the counsel of the prophets and do these things

just as a side note, this is my favorite quote about the blessings of reading the Book of Mormon together.

I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness.  President Marion G Romney, April 1980

honestly, every since we started reading the scriptures together as a family, i have wondered when these blessings were going to show themselves.  i wondered why my kids still fought what seemed like constantly, why i still fought with my kids constantly, why no one wanted to obey mom and dad, etc.  well let me tell you something.  if you want to prove this statement, read the scriptures together for a while and then stop and see what happens.  you'll seriously wonder if every person in your family is going crazy and has forgotten how to act, think and function - including yourself!

while typing this i had a "duh" moment.  perhaps if i get back to the basics of diligently studying, reading and praying with my family and on my own, all of these other things will take care of themselves, fall into place, i will have time for everything that is important.

that just reminded me of a scripture i read last week. in 3 Nephi 13: 31-34 (it's also in Matthew 6: 31-34 if you want to read it there) it says:

"31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

 32 For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

 33 But ^aseek ye first the ^bkingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself..."

i totally feel better now.  seriously, i think i just needed to "talk" it out.  if you read this far, i congratulate you on your dedication!

for when you are feeling like a really bad mother

go and read this post by allison kimball.  even though her post is talking specifically about mother's day.  it applies every day of the year.  as i read her post, it struck me.... like, to my core struck me.

my favorite part of her post:

This is my warning to you Satan, father of all lies, I'm taking back Mother's day.  You can try all you want, but I won't let you hurt me anymore.  You can whisper those negative thoughts, but I'm not going to listen any more.  I know I'm not perfect. I make mistakes everyday. I know I will not measure up to the woman next door or the cousin who was just named mother of the year.  I'm not supposed to. I am me.  I am my children's mother. I have within me the ability to raise and teach them to oppose you and to follow God.  Nothing else matters.  So be warned, I will not give up, ever! I am here to stay and I'm fighting back stronger and wiser.

I will rally the women that I can. We will celebrate one another's differences and strengths.  We will band together in a mighty force that will not listen to your lies anymore.  This is my war cry. Hear me roar!

i can beat myself up as a mother quite often.  i think i've only blogged about it maybe once or twice, but believe me when i say that it is something i struggle with often.

so here i am, echoing her sentiments and joining her ranks.  satan... you're going down!

early mornings

sorry for the blurry pictures, but that is what you can expect from me at 5:00 am!  a few weeks ago, right before going to bed, jared asked if i would go running with him in the mornings at 5 if he woke me up.  i told him i would.  in my mind i knew that it would never happen because i have had the hardest time getting him out of bed at 5:30 each day.

much to my dismay surprise, he was up, dressed, and waking me up at 5 the next morning, and the next morning, and the next.  this has been going on for a couple of weeks now.  he sets his alarm (the same alarm that seemed to not work at getting him up previously) and gets up by himself.

it's cold at that time of morning.  it's even colder when it is raining on you, like it was today.  i'm still settling into our new morning routine. i don't love it and i don't look forward to it... yet!  i know i should be seizing this opportunity to bond with my son.  but most mornings we walk silently through the streets of our neighborhood.

****

it's much like when nathan first started waking us all up early each weekday morning to read scriptures as a family.  when we first started reading in the morning, we woke up at 6:15!  that was 30 minutes earlier than usual.  i didn't like it, in fact, i really didn't like it.  my sleep was too important and my bed was way too comfortable. 

in those early days, our 3 children (clara wasn't here yet) would pile onto our bed and slip under the covers while one person would read an entire chapter.  most times when it wasn't my turn to read, i would roll over, close my eyes and fall back asleep.  terrible example i know.  i would wake up just in time for us to say a prayer as a family after reading.

at this time, isaac, who was in kindergarten, was just learning to read and struggling with it.  his chapters sometimes took several days for him to read.  but as time went by, he got better and better.  because amelia was so little, nathan and i would take turns saying a couple of words and she would repeat them.  those chapters took a while as well.

we went on that way for quite a while, probably a year or so.  during the first summer break we didn't get up and read and we fell out of the habit.  nathan picked it back up after school had been going for a couple months.  i wasn't quite so annoyed this time, but i did suggest that we all needed to be sitting on the bed and not laying under the covers.  i also suggested that each child would read a verse and the adults would read 2 verses.  

on we read.  by this time, isaac was reading well and amelia could repeat back full sentences instead of one or two words.  i still wasn't super excited about getting up early though and didn't really feel like anyone was getting much out of our reading time.  but i could tell that my husband was trying to follow the counsel of  the prophets and lead our family, so i didn't revolt (openly anyway).

another school year later, found us sitting on the couches in the living room at 6:00 each morning.  i was pregnant with clara and it was hard to get up and get going some days.  jared started reading 2 verses with the mom and dad.  soon isaac followed.  amelia started to read on her own, but struggled to read and pronounce the words. it was about this time that we started having a "group hug" after family prayer each day.

a year and a half ago, we moved our time back again to 5:30 am.  some days i still struggle to pull myself out of bed, but i don't hate it!  we have been getting up early and reading together for about 5 years now.  we've read through the book of mormon twice, the book of mormon stories children's reader thrice, the new testament stories children's reader and we are currently reading the old testament stories children's reader.  I remember the first time we made it through the book of mormon and we started over, the kids were like "what?!, we just finished that and we're going to read it again?"

we now read during the summer break from school.  jared and isaac are reading well.  amelia still struggles but has come a long way.  clara - we're lucky if she doesn't scream the entire time... :)  i think it is time to start her repeating the words.

some mornings are still really hard.  no one wants to get up.  no one wants to read. no one wants to listen.  no one is following along.  some days nathan and i are really good about asking the kids questions about what we are reading and trying to explain the gospel concepts we are learning about.  some days we read what is written, say our family prayer, have our group hug and move on. 

i hope this isn't coming off as a brag session - that is not how i've intended it.  as i have been typing this, it is amazing to me at how far we've come.  i think it is about progress and setting a good example for our kids. it's about creating good habits and bonds that last forever. i take none of the credit for any of this.  i am grateful that my husband took the initiative to get us started and has kept us going.  he is the first one up every morning!  

****

i'm glad that most mornings i don't hate that alarm going off at 5:30.  hopefully at some point in the very near future i can take advantage of the opportunity that jared is offering me - 30 minutes of his undivided attention first thing in the morning.  because our personalities can be so similar, we really need this time together to bond and he needs the time to be heard and understood.  i really need to take advantage of this time i am being offered with him!!  i really believe that his motivation to do this has been an answer to prayer.   i just hope he continues to be motivated to get up and get me going until i can learn to love getting up at 5 am.  i don't have can't waste 5 years getting used it.  

worst parents, ever!

this was the scene in my car the other night. nathan had told the kids several times to eat their dinner.  he told them they would regret it if they didn't eat.  he "strongly encouraged" them to eat.  only isaac ate his dinner.  only isaac got the reward. the others were not pleased. 

its hard to follow through with rules and consequences.  when we got home, nathan talked to the "angry" children.  he told them that even though they didn't get the treat that we still loved them and we didn't like to have them unhappy or mad at us.  we also explained that nathan had given them multiple warnings that they didn't listen to.   jared replied that if he had known about the treat he would have finished. it was a perfect teaching moment laid at our feet.

we took a minute to talk about how we don't always get to choose the consequences of our actions, but they are always there.  we also explained that sometimes we don't get a heads-up that a choice is going to bring undesired results.

i hope that they got something out of our unplanned lesson.  well, something other than mom and dad are mean.

how many times?

mornings are hard at my house.  who am i kidding, after school is just as hard too.  being a mom is hard and i am sure that nathan would say being a dad is also hard. he seems to do a better job of being a dad than i do at being a mom though, so maybe he wouldn't say it was hard.

how many times or days in a row can you send your children to school, leave your house and say, "well, this morning wasn't great; I'll try again tomorrow.  Heavenly Father, please help me be better tomorrow!"

i guess it comes down to how hard you really try to make yourself and the situation better the next day.  it doesn't do anyone any good just to say "i'll try harder" and then not do anything to make it better.  but i can be weak and let my "natural man" take over in the rush of getting the house straightened and beds made, the lunches and homework checked and safely secured in backpacks, the little people fed and clothed and out the door for school, and myself ready for work.

i'm frustrated today!

i'm frustrated with my struggles as a mother and my weaknesses as a person.

i'm frustrated that my job takes me away from my home everyday.

i'm frustrated that i don't have the energy, time, patience and strength to be who i want to be all the time.

i'm frustrated that i am selfish.

i'm frustrated that i am prideful.

i'm frustrated with the way i sometimes treat the people i love the most.

if you remember, i'm supposed to be trying to show more gratitude right now.  this post is not sounding very grateful.  it's sounding a bit a lot like a pity party.  i completely realize that many people have harder struggles than i am currently experiencing.  i sound like a whiner, i know.  but just because my struggles are different than someone else's struggles, doesn't mean they aren't hard things for me.

anyway, blah blah blah.....  to try harder right now, i am going to make a list of all the things i am currently grateful for to counteract all of the things that are currently frustrating me.

i am grateful for a loving husband who puts up with my craziness and loves our children.

i am grateful for a body that does mostly what i want it to.

i am grateful for jared - his passion about things and his desire to be heard.

i am grateful for isaac - his fun-loving, goofy attitude and his tender heart.

i am grateful for amelia - her desire to care for and love others and her love of pretty things.

i am grateful for clara - her need to still be constantly loved on by me and her independent spirit.

i am grateful for extended family that help my family by watching my children and loving them while i can't.

i am grateful for a job that helps to provide for the financial and temporal needs of my family.

i am grateful for my car that gets me and my family where we need to be.

i am grateful for my calling in the young women.  i'm learning so much.

i am grateful for the young women that i get to work with.  they all teach me different things.

i am grateful for warmer weather lately.  i love the warmth of the sun.

i am grateful for my home, my bed, and the food in my kitchen.

i am grateful for a few good friends who love and encourage me.

quote from here

tomorrow's a new day and i will start over and try again.  i don't know if i'd call it courage though, maybe just stubbornness. :)