A Perspective on Modesty - My Study Notes and Thoughts

This past September I was asked to teach a combined Young Women lesson on modesty.  I was nervous but excited for the opportunity, since it has been almost four years that I was released from the young women's organization.

To begin the discussion, I showed this picture and asked the following questions:

• What do you notice about the exterior of this building?
• Answers included: it was once a really cool house, old, dirty, run-down, unclean, etc...
• Based on the exterior of this building, what do you assume you might find inside?
• Answers included: dirt, dead bodies, spiders, mold, homeless people, etc...
• How might you feel spending time in this building? Why?
• Answers included: dirty, scared, unsafe, etc...
• In its current state, is this building as valuable as it could be?
• What changes would need to take place for this building to be restored to its original beauty?

Then I showed this picture and asked the following questions:

• What do you notice about the exterior of this building?
• Answers included: it's bright, lots of lights, it's a casino, flashy, gets your attention, etc...
• Based on the exterior of this building, what do you assume you might find inside?
• Answers included: gambling, money, alcohol, slot machines, lots of people, etc...
• I added that they may also find people laughing and having a good time, dance clubs, a bar, and potentially a strip club.
• How might you feel spending time inside this building? Why?
• Answers included: some girls said they would be scared to be kicked out and overwhelmed.  Others said they would be fine.

I made sure to point out to the girls that I found the bright lights to be very fun and inviting.  I wanted to set the stage for them to know that being honest about how they perceive things is okay.  It's okay to say that you find a casino inviting, it's designed to be that way.  I also included the talk of alcohol and strip clubs on purpose.  Again, I wanted them to feel it was acceptable to discuss things we usually don't talk about.

Next, I showed this picture and asked the following questions:

• What do you notice about the exterior of this building?
• Answers included: it's pretty, it's the temple, etc...
• Based on the exterior of this building, what do you assume you might find inside?
• Answers included: people dressed in white, Celestial room, font, the Spirit, beauty, ordinances, and covenants, etc...
• How might you feel spending time inside this building? Why?
• Answers included: love, peace, joy, hope, etc...

Finally, I showed this side-by-side comparison:

I asked the girls to look at these two buildings.  I asked the following questions:

• What lasting value is found within these two buildings?
• Which of these buildings is more beautiful?  Why do you feel that way?
• Which do you believe will provide you with lasting happiness?

As much as we would like to think it isn't so, we make assumptions based on the appearance and behavior of people and things.  We've just done that with these three buildings.

Then I told them I was there to talk about modesty.

I'm not going to post verbatim the rest of the lesson.  I'm just going to share my study notes and what I used to help guide the discussion that followed.

What is modesty to you?

Ask the girls for a brief overview of modesty standards:

• Dress – too small, too short, too low cut
• Behavior – keep legs crossed or together, no boob shots on social media
• Language – keep it clean, even through text and on social media
• Thought – if you wouldn’t say it or do it, chase the thought away

A Man's Perspective

In an effort for full disclosure and to show the girls I was serious, I told them I had talked to my husband, my two sons, and the bishop about what they would have me tell the girls.

• My husband, who serves in the bishopric, said that he can't count the times he has seen underwear during his Sunday visits to the YW.
• The girls were very shocked and embarrassed by this revelation.
• I told them to keep their legs closed. Crossed legs don't help the situation and in most cases, make the problem worse.
• My two sons said that for the most part, they felt the girls in our ward dressed modestly at church, but that they didn't at school.
• My oldest son said that he wished the girls understood that he tries not to think about them inappropriately, but that he wishes they understood that when they dress for attention it doesn't make him "like" them or make him interested in getting to know them more, he just lusts after a body. He views them as objects.
• I really hope the girls understood this part. I tried to help them understand that lust and love are not the same things. Dressing for attention is not going to get you love and acceptance.
• Bishop's thoughts are toward the end.

Modesty is

“Modesty is a God-given principle that can help us learn to use our bodies appropriately here in mortality.

The definition of modesty in True to the Faith is “An attitude of humility and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior.” Modesty is not vain or boastful. Modest people do not use their bodies or their behavior to seek approval from the world or to draw attention to their own real or supposed accomplishments or desirable attributes.” [Carol F. McConkie]

“…the way we dress accurately reflects who we really are and what we are about.” [Jan Pinborough]

• Modesty shows we know who we are.  We recognize our identity as a daughter of God.
• “…the choices we make to appear and behave modestly send a powerful message that we understand our identity as sons and daughters of God and that we have chosen to stand in holy places.” [Carol F McConkie]
• Our clothing is more than just covering for our bodies; it reflects who we are and what we want to be, both here in mortality and in the eternities that will follow. [Elder Robert D. Hales]
• Modesty is an outward expression of our testimony of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
• “When we choose to wear modest clothing and behave with a modest demeanor, we wear and we live our testimony of God the Eternal Father and of His Son, Jesus Christ. We witness by our physical appearance that we are Disciples of Christ and that we live His gospel.” [Carol F McConkie]
• For Latter-day Saints, the way we dress demonstrates our understanding of and commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  In a world that constantly tries to undermine our sense of who we are and what we can become, observing the principle of modesty can improve our confidence. [Silvia H. Allred]
• Immodesty is rebellion, self-centered, and a denial of our identity.
• Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught, “To those who know and understand the plan of salvation, defiling the body is an act of rebellion [see Mosiah 2:36–37] and a denial of our true identity as sons and daughters of God.” We choose to care for and protect our bodies so that we may be instruments in the hands of God to bring about His glorious purposes (see Alma 26:3). [Carol F McConkie]
• We don’t break God’s commandments, we break ourselves against them.
• Modesty shows we understand and keep our covenants.
• Modesty in dress, appearance, thought, and behavior is evidence that we understand the covenants we have made that bless us, protect us, and empower us in our preparation to return to His presence. When we were baptized, we stepped out of the world and into the kingdom of God. Everything must be different for us. Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “By choosing to be in His kingdom, we separate—not isolate—ourselves from the world. Our dress will be modest, our thoughts pure, our language clean.”  [Carol F McConkie]
• Ultimately, how we dress will greatly influence our obedience to commandments and devotion to covenants. Dressing modestly will guide our attitudes and behavior as we conduct our daily lives. In time our dress may even determine who our friends and associates may be, thus influencing whether we live worthy of enjoying the blessings of happiness in this world and for eternity. [Elder Robert D. Hales]
• Modesty invites the Spirit to be our companion.
• Modesty is a defense against evil influences.
• Modesty is a defense against such evil influences and a protection of chastity and virtue. Listen to these words in For the Strength of Youth: “Before marriage … do not do anything … that arouses sexual feelings.” Immodest appearance and behavior will often arouse sexual feelings and will break down barriers and invite increased temptation to break the law of chastity. [Carol F McConkie]
• Modesty is a requirement for a disciple of Christ.
• Modesty enables us to “stand as witnesses of God at all times” (Mosiah 18:9). Each of us reflects the Light of Christ when we are modest and pure and keep the commandments. Modesty is a witness of our testimony of the Savior and of the gospel of Jesus Christ. [Carol F McConkie]
• Modesty is where purity and chastity are rooted.
• Modesty is at the center of being pure and chaste, both in thought and deed. Thus, because it guides and influences our thoughts, behavior, and decisions, modesty is at the core of our character. Our clothing is more than just covering for our bodies; it reflects who we are and what we want to be, both here in mortality and in the eternities that will follow. [Elder Robert D. Hales]
• Modesty means you guard the virtue within yourself and within others, especially those who hold the priesthood.
• Being a guardian of virtue means you will always be modest not only in your dress but also in your speech, your actions, and your use of social media. Being a guardian of virtue means you will never text words or images to young men that may cause them to lose the Spirit, lose their priesthood power, or lose their virtue. It means that you understand the importance of chastity because you also understand that your body is a temple and that the sacred powers of procreation are not to be tampered with before marriage. You understand that you possess a sacred power that involves the holy responsibility of bringing other spirits to earth to receive a body in which to house their eternal spirit. This power involves another sacred soul. You are a guardian of something “more precious than rubies.” Be faithful. Be obedient. Prepare now so that you may qualify to receive all the blessings that await you in the Lord’s holy temples. [Elaine S. Dalton]

Satan’s lies about modesty and our bodies

• You need the attention of someone else to feel good about yourself or to be special.
• Physical attention or intimacy will make you feel good, special and worthy of love.
• Your body – how it looks and how others view it – is what defines your worth.
• Your behavior, dress, attitude, and language only affect you.

Teachings against these lies:

Elder D. Todd Christopherson

• “…revealing dress …not only debases women but reinforces the lie that a woman’s sexuality is what defines her worth.”

Elder Robert D. Hales

• Our bodies are the temples of our spirits. Additionally, our bodies are the means by which we can bring souls from the presence of God to their mortal state. When we recognize our bodies as the gifts they are and when we understand the missions they help us fulfill, we protect and honor them by how we act and dress.

I spoke with our bishop while preparing for this lesson to understand what he would want the girls to know about modesty.  These were points that I wanted to make sure the girls understood

Bishop wanted to girls to know – church should be a safe place for everyone.  That includes individuals – young men, men, young women and women who struggle with pornography.

• When we attend a Church meeting, our purpose is to worship our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ. Our clothing should show our reverence for Them. We do not dress to attract attention to ourselves, thus distracting others and causing the Spirit to depart. [Elder Robert D. Hales]
• If we dress or act with the intention to distract others at church, that is wrong.
• When we dress for attention, we are not inviting the Spirit to be with us. We act differently when we are dressed for the world’s attention. Moreover, what we wear will influence the behavior of others toward us. How we dress affects how people react to us. It also demonstrates where our heart and spirit really desire to be. [Elder Robert D. Hales]
• How we feel on the inside shows on the outside. We show love and respect for ourselves and others by our attitude, speech, and dress. We show love and respect for Church leaders and ward or branch members by speaking, dressing, and behaving in a manner that does not bring inappropriate attention to ourselves. We show love and respect for friends and associates when our language, dress, and behavior are not provocative or unduly casual. And we show love and respect to the Lord through humble dress and behavior. [Elder Robert D. Hales]

Who we need to be

Margaret D. Nadauld, “The world has enough of women who are tough; we need women who are tender.  There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind.  There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.  We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need women of faith.  We have enough greed; we need more goodness.  We have enough vanity; we need more virtue.  We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”

Back to the pictures from the beginning of the lesson:

• When I look at the casino, I am reminded of the word, “vanity”.  When I look at the temple, I think of the word, “virtue”.
• Vanity means excessive pride in or admiration for one’s own appearance or achievements; the quality of being worthless or futile; old English = empty
• Virtue means high moral standards; virginity and chastity; a pattern of thought and behavior, power
• Vanity is empty.  It is nothing.  Virtue is power, chastity and a requirement for a Disciple of Christ.  
• Immodesty is the casino.  There is nothing of lasting value inside or out. It is vain, or in another word, empty.
• However, if we treat our bodies as they really are, a temple, we will have virtue – strength, hope, peace, confidence.
• So what if you find yourself in the mindset of the casino or the old run-down house?  Is it too late for you?
• It's never too late to make a change.
• It's never too late to use the atonement of Jesus Christ.
• You came to this earth with an individual worth that is unchanging. No matter what you do or say here, your worth does not change.
• You are a daughter of God. He loves you and his love doesn't change.

FYI - these notes in no way cover this topic completely.  I prayerfully considered and studies this topic to present the discussion from a place of love and concern.

5 P's of Scripture Study - What Works for Me

I meant to post this in September of 2015, but apparently, I forgot about it in my drafts.  Oops!!

A number of months ago, I was asked to talk to the young women in my ward and give them tips and ideas for making their scripture study more effective.  I might have stressed just a little bit about it, but I think that my point came across and I know at least a couple of the girls were motivated to start reading and studying their scriptures, so I'll call that a success!

So, here are Wendy's 5 P's of Scripture Study

1. Priority
Scripture study doesn't happen by accident.  It takes making a conscious decision to start.

Elder Bednar has said "We make time for what really matters.  We all have all the time there is.  So if we don't pray and study the scriptures, we just didn't think it was important.  Something else was more important."

My biggest tip here is to find something that motivates you.  Unfortunately, I can't tell you what that is for you.  For me, it is colored pencils, pens and markers, a new notebook and stickers and post-its. I love the idea of using new pens and markers to highlight and write ideas.  Maybe your motivation is to study before allowing yourself to turn on electronics.  It could be a new set of scriptures, or maybe a special treat for studying so many days in a row.  Whatever it is, figure it out and make it work for you.

2. Prepare & Pray
Remove distractions.  You cannot study and feel the spirit if you are listening to music that does not invite the spirit.  You will not learn and grow if you read the scriptures while watching television. You will gain greater insights if you are not answering texts or checking your social media accounts every couple of minutes.  Turn off the music and the television and put your phone in another room.

Gather supplies.  Before you sit down to study, gather everything you think you will need including your scriptures, reference materials (Personal Progress book, Preach My Gospel, True to the Faith, etc...), marking pens and pencils.  Whatever you plan to use to study, gather it before you start.

Create a routine.  Try to set up a specific time and place that you will always study.  Creating a habit will help you be consistent and you will already have what you need to get started.

What method of study will you use?

• Chapter to chapter study
• Topic study
• Study based on Personal Progress/Preach My Gospel
• Studying lesson materials beforehand

Once you've removed distractions, gathered your supplies, and decided what to study, say a prayer.  Ask Heavenly Father to help you understand what you are reading.  Ask to have your mind and heart open to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

Our Heavenly Father did not send us down here to figure this all out on our own.  He has and will provide every opportunity for our growth and understanding. However, he will not force us to do anything.  He will never take away our agency.  Therefore, we must be the ones to ask for help to understand his words and his doctrine.  The way we do this is through sincere prayer and then acting on our prayer by studying.

 3 Nephi 18:20 And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.

2 Nephi 32:4 Wherefore, now after I have spoken these words, if ye cannot understand them it will be because ye ask not, neither do ye knock; wherefore, ye are not brought into the light, but must perish in the dark.

3. Piece it Out
Look up definitions of words you don't understand and then substitute the word and read it again.
Look up and read the footnotes.
Look up other scriptures having to do with the same topic.
Search lds.org for the scripture and read talks that have referenced the scripture.

When studying, I suggest the following method but use whatever works for you.

First, read through the entire section you are going to read that day.  Quickly highlighting verses or passages that stand out to you.

Some people like to use certain colors to represent different gospel topics.  If that works for you, do it.  Unfortunately, I find that too rigid.  I prefer to highlight ideas or topics that go together in one color and use a different color for another topic, idea or thought.  I try not to duplicate colors on the same page unless the passages are related.  These colors are completely random and change daily. 

Now go back and further mark key words, verses or passages in further detail.  I do this several different ways.

• circling or boxing around words in a color and then writing, in the same color, the definition or a thought about that word in the margins.
• put a circle or box around the verse number to signify importance.
• draw arrows to direct attention.
• putting brackets [  ]  or parenthesis (  ) around phrases, again writing in the same color in the margins.
• underlining words and phrases that you already highlighted to distinguish them as key phrases to the whole idea that you highlighted in the first place.
• draw lines across pages or verses to connect ideas or to draw patterns and parallels.
• watch for list or steps and number them in your scriptures.
• write page titles.
• draw a squiggly line under key-words or phrases to set those apart from your highlighting or other marks.
• draw lines down the sides of sections of verses that all tie together.

Ask yourself questions while you are reading.

• What is ________?
• How do I get ____________?
• What are the blessings/consequences of __________?
• Why is this important?
• What can I learn from __________'s experience?

If you are having difficulty understanding a subject, thought or idea, try this exercise.  

1. Get a blank piece of paper and write the subject, thought or idea at the top. 
2. Next, separate the page into five columns.
3. Ask yourself: What does ________ look like?  Write your ideas in the 1st column
4. Ask yourself: What does ________ feel like, emotionally? Write your ideas in the 2nd column
5. Ask yourself: What does ________ feel like, spiritually?  Write your ideas in the 3rd column
6. Ask yourself: What does ________ sound like?  Write your ideas in the 4th column
7. Ask yourself: What are the results (fruits) of ________?  Write your ideas in the 5th column

4. Ponder & Practice
The most important thing about reading and studying the scriptures is what the spirit whispers to you while you're reading.  Write down these thoughts and feelings even if they don't seem clear right then. Most often connections will be made and your thoughts will become more clear the more you study and understand.

• write in your scriptures
• create a blog and write about your thoughts and what you're studying
• use LDS gospel library notes and tags and marking tools
• teach what you are learning to someone else - FHE or a church lesson or to a friend

Watch for opportunities in everyday life that tie back to what you are reading.

• How can I change my thoughts and actions based on what I am reading?
• How does this apply to me and in what ways can I apply these teachings in my life?

5. Patience & Persistence
We are looking for spiritual nutrition, not mind candy or scriptural carb overload.  The difference between reading the scriptures and studying is taking time to ponder and think about what you are reading.  It also means trying to apply what you are reading to your own life.  Real understanding usually doesn't come when trying to cover multiple chapters in one session.

Anything worth having requires effort on our part.  It also takes time, so be patient with yourself and keep at it!  If you get distracted, recommit yourself and start again.

One of the hardest steps is getting started or knowing where to start.  My advice to youth who are having a hard time knowing how to begin a study habit is to look to the materials already compiled for them.  These topic-based study guides can be found within:

• Come Follow Me lesson outlines
• Personal Progress or Duty to God experiences
• Preach My Gospel

So, what do you do when you feel stuck on a topic?  What if you don't feel excited about what you're studying? Or you don't feel like you are gaining understanding?

The great thing about the gospel is there are many things to study and learn about.  If you are bored or a certain topic, choose another to study for a while.  You can always come back to the other topic at a later time.  Perhaps going away from the topic for a time will give you understanding in another area that will relate back to the previous topic.

If you do feel stuck, use the resources available to you.

• Search lds.org.  Sure it seems like a no-brainer, but a talk, scripture, song or video may guide you to ideas and thoughts that will help.
• Ask a trusted parent, a Young Men or Young Women leader, a Sunday School teacher, or a member of the bishopric.
• Above all, continue studying and praying for understanding.  The further light and knowledge you seek will come!

A word of caution!  I have to stress not using Google when looking for help.  There are so many 'wolves in sheep's clothing" websites out there.  Sites that appear to support the teachings of the church when, in reality, they only raise issues or concerns about doctrines, teachings and church leaders.  Be wise with where you get information and who is giving it to you.

Five Photos for Friday - FHE Ice Cream, Late Game, You Rock, Horse Bite, Clara Selfie

Here's a couple of quick shots from the past couple weeks

This past Monday, Isaac gave a family home evening lesson on ways that we can strengthen our family.  In his lesson, he asked us all to think of things we can do to strengthen our family.  His lesson included the idea that we could increase our family's bond by spend time together by going to get ice cream.  So for our activity we went and got ice cream cones at +Macey's.

Last weekend, Nathan and I, along with the boys, went to a late BYU game.  Although our team did not win, I had a great time hanging out with my main squeeze.

A couple of weeks ago, while I was in between classes at church, one of the young women, who had been in my class before I was released last year, pulled me aside and said she had something for me. She pulled out a small rock that she had written "you" on and gave it to me.  "You Rock"  I almost cried.  She had made enough for all the young women and the current leaders in the ward, but it made me feel special and loved that she would also give one to me also.  It is currently residing on my dresser where I see it everyday.

Recently, Jared got nipped by a horse.  This is on his chest/side.  That'll teach him to get to close to that horse again!

And lastly, it always cracks me up when I find pictures like this one on my phone.  I love this girl!

Where's the Bishopric?

A few weeks ago, Nathan and I participated in a fun Young Men & Young Women activity for the youth in our ward.  It was called, "Where's the Bishopric" and was based upon the books, "Where's Waldo".

The Laurel leaders had asked a group of adults from the ward to dress up as much or as little as they wanted and go to the mall at a certain time.  We were allowed to wander in the halls and small stores, but large department stores were off limits.  The last 20 minutes of the game, the leader with each group of youth could text us and ask for one clue to where we were.  At the end we all met at a predetermined spot in the mall.

The "Waldo's" drove directly to the mall while the youth gathered at the church for opening exercises.  Before heading out to the mall, each youth group was told the rules, assigned a leader and given a sheet that looked like this (except no initials):

Once a group located you, you put your initials next to your phone number on the sheet.  This way, they could text you and ask for a clue during the last 20 minutes and also, the youth weren't really sure who they were watching for at the mall.

We had a great time!

Nathan and I dressed up

Just me

 A group shot of the "Waldo's"

 

 Me an one of "my girls"

What I Learned While Serving in the Young Women's Organization

I am scared to post this one.  It has been written and sitting as a draft on my blog for a couple of months now.  It is a part of me that I am not particularly proud of and it is still a work in progress. Please be kind and understanding even if you don't understand - after all this is my blog and I can say what I want and you don't have to like it :)

Girl's Camp 2013

Serving in they Young Women's organization has changed me.  Before I was asked to serve as the Camp Director 5 years ago, my life was filled with my work - my work outside of my home.  Yes, I had good times with my kids and my husband, but most of the fulfillment I felt in life came from my job.  

I am good at my job.  I go to work, do what needs to be done and cross responsibilities off of my "to do" list.  There is some variation in the things that need to be done, but for the most part, I know my role, I know my responsibilities, and I know how to get the job done.

Being a wife and mother is a completely different thing.  There is not a set way to do things.  Kids are not computers and don't do exactly what you tell them to do.  They do not always react the same way to situations and problems.  One day is different than the next, each with its own struggles and issues to deal with.  

I have come to realize that I am not good with change.  I like habits, patterns and known outcomes.  Habits and patterns and predictable outcomes make me happy.  Because of this, I struggle to be the mom I want to be and the mom I think I should be.  I struggle to be patient with my children.  I struggle to control my temper with them.  I struggle when I cannot control them.  I really can get down on myself for not reacting lovingly and patiently to circumstances and situations.  Because I don't feel I handle my role as mother well, I do not find a lot of fulfillment from it.

As I served with the Young Women in my ward for camp and eventually as the 1st counselor in the Young Women's presidency, I felt a pull.  I found something else that I was good at.  Instead of mostly finding my fulfillment at my job, I was now finding it in serving the Young Women.  The girls seemed to like me and I liked them.  We had fun together.  We learned new things about the gospel together.  We felt the spirit together.

As I studied and prepared lessons for the girls, I would share what I was learning for Family Home Evening or in conversations over dinner. I also started working on the Personal Progress Program so that I could set a good example for the young women and I also had a desire to better myself and, hopefully, in turn become a better mother.  Gospel learning became fun for me and I learned that I had an appetite for it that I had never before experienced.

As my knowledge increased and as I tried harder to focus my thoughts on my divine roles, I felt myself desiring to be at home with my children more.  I didn't want to be at work anymore.  Don't get me wrong,  I am very grateful for my job and the monetary blessings it brings to my family.  Also, my employer has been good to me and can be flexible with my schedule.  But, more and more I was finding myself wanting to be at the school helping with reading or waiting at home for the children when they got out of school.

I have a great deal of respect for women who can work outside the home and still be a loving devoted wife and mother, but I personally struggle to play both roles - and do them well.

For a long time I didn't catch the connection.  I just knew that I wasn't finding a great deal of fulfillment from my job anymore.  Unfortunately, it isn't possible for me to be a stay-at-home mom at this point in my life, so I have really struggled with this.  I could go on about this, but maybe that is another post for another day.

Then one day, a wise man pointed out to me that perhaps my desire to be with my children more came from an increase in knowledge about my divine role as wife and mother.  Knowledge I had gained through preparing and teaching lessons and working on Personal Progress.  Though I still struggle to be the mother I want to be and, at times, I still really struggle to see fulfillment in what can sometimes seem like a thankless calling, I am truly grateful for the shift in perspective.

I look back at my attitude towards my children and the role of motherhood 5 years ago and then compare it to where I am today and realize I still have a ways to go, but I really feel like I am on the right path now.  I am grateful that my Heavenly Father allows me to grow and change and become better day to day.  I am grateful that he loves me even when I have a really bad "mom" day and he encourages me to keep trying.  If he can "entice" me through the Holy Ghost to change this much in the past 5 years, I am excited to see where I'll be at in another 5 years.

So really, my callings in the Young Women organization were for my benefit and not for the Young Women at all!  I know that is not entirely true, but I really feel like I gained more from those callings than I was ever give back to the girls I served.

Finally, I am grateful for forgiving children and a loving and forgiving husband.  They really are my biggest fans and supporters.

**You can read my cousin's reply to this post by clicking here: Finding fulfillment in motherhood.

Sadness & Comfort from Heavenly Father

credit

I was released from my calling in the Young Women's organization yesterday.  I had known for a few of weeks that it was coming.  As the time for being released was getting closer, I would experience times of great sadness.  This might not make sense to a lot of people, I mean it's just a calling.  But this was a calling that I loved.

For 5 years, I have loved these girls.   I loved serving with these beautiful young women in my ward.  I've watched them struggle, I've watched them grow and I have forged friendships with them based on gospel teachings and the influence of the Holy Ghost. I love the girls that I got to work with.  They helped me to be a better person.

Yes, some of the girls came and went.  But is was very rewarding to watch them grow, make good decisions, make temple covenants, go on missions, and start families.  Some of them made choices I would not choose for them, but I still love them and want them to be happy.

A weeks or so ago, I was having a pretty rough night.  It was during one of these times when I was grieving the loss of this life experience that I prayed, again.  I prayed to Heavenly Father and asked him to please comfort me.  I went to bed broken-hearted.

Shortly after I had turned off the light, my phone received a text from my friend Malia.  I hadn't heard from here for a few weeks because she had been busy with family stuff.  Our conversation started off normal enough, and she sent me a funny picture of her baby.  It made me laugh and forget about my sorrows for a few minutes.

It was then that I realized that she had been inspired to text me.  Malia doesn't normally text me at night, her texts usually come in the middle of the day.  I had asked for comfort and I was receiving it through my friend. Upon recognizing this, I sent her a text that said "Thanks for texting me tonight.  I was feeling super sad and you made me happy."  Then we were able to talk about how I was feeling and I felt understood and supported by my friend.

This past Thursday, I also received another message from my friend Jessica (who is currently the YW President in her ward in Texas).  Normal conversation at first, but then, we talked about my calling.  I was also able to receive comfort from her.

Friday started out fine but by the afternoon, I was feeling sad again.  Sometimes people make comments that they mean to be helpful or funny, but when you are hurting they don't translate well.  Also, I knew my husband would be "stopping by" to officially release me.

When he left our house in white shirt and tie to release some of the other leaders, I said a prayer again.  I was specific.  I told my Heavenly Father that I was hurting, I told him that I needed comfort, I told him that I needed a blessing from my husband, I told him I didn't want to be an emotional mess at church, and then I needed to go on a date.  The last one may seem weird, but I needed to get it off my mind and I needed to feel close to my husband.

When Nathan knocked on the front door - he really did, I momentarily thought about not opening it.  But I decided to let him in.  He sat down very officially and trying to lighten the mood and comfort myself, I went and sat on his lap and gave him a kiss.

Nathan:  "Do you always sit on Bishopric Members laps when they come over?"
Wendy: "Do you always kiss people you go to see?"
Nathan:  "Well, I do when they sit on my lap."

It was the perfect funny exchange to make the mood a little lighter.

Then he got down to "the business".  It was hard and I cried on his shoulder.  He told me he was sorry and offered other words of comfort.

When that part was all over, I said, "I need a blessing, and then I need you to take me out."

For a second he acted confused and then he said, "For a second I thought you wanted me to give you a blessing and then put you out of your misery."

My husband then was able to give me a blessing.  It was a blessing of comfort and strength.  Exactly what I was needing without telling him specifically.  I could feel the love of my Heavenly Father for me.

And a little later we went out on our date.

Saturday, my sister-in-law dropped by with some candy bars and simply said that she had heard that tomorrow might be hard for me, so here's some chocolate.

And yesterday when the change was officially made, I was ok.  It was hard and I avoided talking about it with a lot of people, but I didn't have the meltdown I thought I would.  I chalked it up to the strength that I had received from Nathan's blessing.

By the way.... the ladies who where called to serve after us are fantastic.  I have worked with most of them and I know the girls are in great hands.  But man alive, I am sure going to miss hanging with those girls twice a week!

So, why did I use that quote at the top and why am I putting all of this up on my blog?

The quote:
"The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes" —Jeffrey R. Holland

It reminds me that I need to move on now.  Yes, I can take the wonderful things I have learned and the experiences that I shared with the girls and apply them for my future, but I can't keep wishing that I was still in my old calling.

And I am putting all of this on my blog so that I have a record of it.  In the future I can look back at this experience and remind myself that when I pray and ask my Heavenly Father for comfort, he provides it.  He doesn't always take away the thing that is hard and causing pain, but he will give me strength and he will provide the means for comfort.

(For my other post about "What I Learned While Serving in the Young Women's Organizaiton, go here.)

Why Do We Fast? Come Follow Me September

I don't mean for this post to be a doctrinal discourse of why members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints fast regularly.  These are just some of the thoughts I have had while preparing for my lesson this Sunday. You can find the lesson outline here.

What is fasting?
From True to the Faith, "to fast is to go without food and drink voluntarily for a certain period of time. Fasting combined with sincere prayer can help you prepare yourself and others to receive God’s blessings."

Carl B. Pratt, in a talk titled, The Blessings of a Proper Fast, quotes from President Joseph F. Smith and teaches that fasting is a commandment,

For those who are physically able, fasting is a commandment. Speaking of our monthly fast day, President Joseph F. Smith said: “The Lord has instituted the fast on a reasonable and intelligent basis. … Those who can are required to comply … ; it is a duty from which they cannot escape; … it is left with the people as a matter of conscience, to exercise wisdom and discretion. …

“But those should fast who can. … None are exempt from this; it is required of the Saints, old and young, in every part of the Church” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939], 244).

Examples of the Spiritual Strength Received After Fasting

• Esther 4:10–17 - Esther, her maidens and all of the Jews in Shushan fast for three days and three nights.  Esther in return receives great courage and ultimately achieves what she desires - she and her people are not destroyed.
• Matthew 4:1–11 - Jesus Christ separates himself from others and fasts for 40 days and nights.  He is able to resit the temptations of the devil and angels minister unto him.
• Alma 17:1–3, 9 - The sons of Mosiah fasted and prayed much for the spirit to abide with them. They in turn had "the spirit of prophecy, the spirit of revelation, and ... they taught with power and authority of God".
• D&C 59:12–14 - Fasting and prayer = Your "joy may be full".

From these 4 scripture references we learn that through fasting we can:

1. gain courage to stand up for what we know is right and just, even in the face of great danger or embarrassment.

2. be able to resist the temptations of the devil and have angels minister to us.

3. have the spirit with us, receive direction for our lives through the spirit, and be able to teach others by the spirit.

4. have full joy.

What a Proper Fast Includes

Isaiah 58:7 - I don't always almost never understand Isaiah, but after reading this passage at least 10 times, it started to make sense to me.  I just had to break it down....way down.  

In verse 7, we learn that a proper fast includes taking care of those who are less fortunate than we are.

7 Is it not to deal thy bread to the ^ahungry, and that thou bring the ^bpoor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from ^cthine own flesh?

In True to the Faith we read that as members of the church, we are asked to fast the first Sunday of each month.  A proper fast includes not eating or drinking for two consecutive meals, attending your church meeting, in addition to paying fast offerings.

"The Church designates one Sunday each month, usually the first Sunday, as a day of fasting. Proper observance of fast Sunday includes going without food and drink for two consecutive meals, attending fast and testimony meeting, and giving a fast offering to help care for those in need. 

Your fast offering should be at least the value of the two meals you do not eat. When possible, be generous and give much more than this amount. 

In addition to observing the fast days set aside by Church leaders, you can fast on any other day, according to your needs and the needs of others. However, you should not fast too frequently or for excessive periods of time."

This brings up a good point I would like to address with the Young Women in my class.  At what age do they think it is appropriate to start paying their own fast offerings.  I think this is a personal decision that will vary greatly from girl to girl, but I do believe that it is something that 14 and 15 year old girls can start thinking about.

I also feel it is important to discuss with my girls that not all people can or should fast in the way we usually talk about.  Women who are pregnant or nursing should not go without eating for extended periods of time. People with medical issues or those who must take medications that require it to be taken with food, cannot go without something in their stomach for that long also.  But even the individuals in these situations can "fast" as they find ways to help their spirits learn to control their physical appetites.  As they prayerfully ponder on ways to do this, the Lord will help them know that their fast is acceptable.

In Matthew 6:16–18 we also learn what a proper fast should not "look" like,

"16 Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to ^afast. Verily I say unto you, They ^bhave their reward.

17 But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face;

18 That thou appear not unto men to ^afast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall^breward thee openly."

Or in other words, when you're fasting don't complain about how hungry you are.  Also, refrain from announcing to everyone within listening distance how righteous you are because you are fasting.  Fasting, even when done with a group for a specific reason, is a private matter.  Rather, as the Lord instructs us in the above verses, we should say a prayer, wash our face (basically, look your best), and find a good positive attitude to carry us through our fast.  If we do this, we will receive the promised blessings from our Heavenly Father.

Blessings of Fasting

Isaiah 58:3–12 In verse 5, we read: Is it such a fast that I have chosen? a day for a man to afflict his soul?

Afflict our own souls.  This phrase really struck me.  When I fast, I am purposely afflicting my body with discomfort. My body says, "Feed me!  You are going to starve to death.  If you ignore me, I will grumble loudly during Sunday School and you will be embarrassed!" and my spirit replies, "You are fine.  I am trying to teach you that you are not in control.  Stop grumbling and learn from this".  

Later in verses 6, 8 and 11, we learn more about the blessings that come from fasting.

 6 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the ^abands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go ^bfree, and that ye break every yoke?

 8 ¶Then shall thy ^alight break forth as the morning, and thine ^bhealth shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy ^crearward.

 11 And the Lord shall ^aguide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in ^bdrought, and ^cmake fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a ^dspring of water, whose waters fail not.

We learn that by fasting, we loose the bands of wickedness, and set ourselves free from whatever bondage in which we find ourselves trapped - we break the yoke.  We are promised that our health will be good and that the Lord will be our guard.  We will be guided by him continually and he will fill us when we are lacking, whether temporally or spiritually.

 It talks here about watering a garden during drought and making our bones fat. I'd like to pass on the fat bones promise please!  I'm kidding.  I know it is not in a literal sense, more I believe it means that we will have the strength we need to perform our labors and we will have his spirit with us to comfort us.

Fasting for Others

In addition to fasting for our own struggles and problems, we can fast for others as well.

Mosiah 27:18–24 - This is the account of Alma the Younger after he sees an angel and is stricken dumb and has no strength.  After he is taken to his father, his father and the priests fast and pray for Alma the Younger to be restored to good health.  They also ask that the experience might help those around them - "that the eyes of the people might be opened to see and know of the goodness and glory of God."

We are to fast and pray not only for the missionaries who are serving full-time missions, but we should fast and pray for missionary experiences of our own.

Alma 6:6 - Nevertheless the children of God were commanded that they should gather themselves together oft, and join in ^afasting and mighty prayer in behalf of the welfare of the souls of those who knew not God.

Fasting Strengthens our Testimony

I used this first scripture back in June during my Testimony devotional for Girl's Camp.

Alma 5:45–46 - Even the prophets of God have to fast and pray many days to gain their testimonies.

Behold, I say unto you they are made ^aknown unto me by the Holy Spirit of God. Behold, I have ^bfasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself. And now I do know of myself that they are true; for the Lord God hath made them manifest unto me by his Holy Spirit; and this is the spirit of^crevelation which is in me.

Helaman 3:35 - This is a great scripture!  I broke this one down into several parts.  I think I will spend quite a bit of time discussing this one with the girls and getting their thoughts on how these all fit together and bring about sanctification and yielding their hearts unto God.

Nevertheless they did ^afast and ^bpray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their ^chumility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the ^dpurifying and the ^esanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their ^fyielding their hearts unto God. 

did wax stronger and stronger in their humility - Fasting humbles us.  It allows our spirits to subdue the "natural man" appetites of the body.  Being humble softens our hearts which opens us to being teachable by the Spirit and capable of making lasting changes through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ - When our faith is firm and built upon Christ we are able to stand confidently for our beliefs.

unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation - When we are humble and full of the Spirit and firm in our faith in Christ, our souls are joyful and at peace.  We know that life may not always be fair and easy, but we have hope and confidence in good things to come and find joy and contentment in our daily blessings.

even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts - Purifying and Sanctification, these are some big idea words.  As far as I can understand, "purifying ... of their hearts" means a cleansing of the heart. Removing sins, struggles and hard feelings, basically repentance.  A "sanctification of their hearts" was a little harder.  I had to look up a few references for sanctification and found a quote by Elder D. Todd Christofferson,

"To be sanctified through the blood of Christ is to become clean, pure, and holy. If justification removes the punishment for past sin, then sanctification removes the stain or effects of sin."

I believe that the sanctification of our hearts occurs after our hearts are purified and after we allow the atonement to change us.  Sanctification is where we are made holy - our hearts are changed.  "We have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually."

But as the original scripture concludes, ("which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God") this can only be done if we will turn our will over to God.  We practice this when we fast.  We teach our body to obey the will of our spirit in preparation to turning our will to God. 

What are your thoughts on fasting?  I would love to hear them, especially if someone understands sanctification better than I do.

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There is also a great article in the New Era that you could use for this lesson called, Blessings of Fasting.

credit

Just download the .pdf file of the article and then set your print it out 2 sheets per page, so that it looks like this:

Then run it through the printer again, but print on the opposite side this time.  You'll end up with a 1/2 sheet insert for your study journals.

Also, some more great handouts for this lesson can be found online.  

Like this one from All Things Bright and Beautiful

or from The Idea Door