What I Learned While Serving in the Young Women's Organization

I am scared to post this one.  It has been written and sitting as a draft on my blog for a couple of months now.  It is a part of me that I am not particularly proud of and it is still a work in progress. Please be kind and understanding even if you don't understand - after all this is my blog and I can say what I want and you don't have to like it :)

Girl's Camp 2013

Serving in they Young Women's organization has changed me.  Before I was asked to serve as the Camp Director 5 years ago, my life was filled with my work - my work outside of my home.  Yes, I had good times with my kids and my husband, but most of the fulfillment I felt in life came from my job.  

I am good at my job.  I go to work, do what needs to be done and cross responsibilities off of my "to do" list.  There is some variation in the things that need to be done, but for the most part, I know my role, I know my responsibilities, and I know how to get the job done.

Being a wife and mother is a completely different thing.  There is not a set way to do things.  Kids are not computers and don't do exactly what you tell them to do.  They do not always react the same way to situations and problems.  One day is different than the next, each with its own struggles and issues to deal with.  

I have come to realize that I am not good with change.  I like habits, patterns and known outcomes.  Habits and patterns and predictable outcomes make me happy.  Because of this, I struggle to be the mom I want to be and the mom I think I should be.  I struggle to be patient with my children.  I struggle to control my temper with them.  I struggle when I cannot control them.  I really can get down on myself for not reacting lovingly and patiently to circumstances and situations.  Because I don't feel I handle my role as mother well, I do not find a lot of fulfillment from it.

As I served with the Young Women in my ward for camp and eventually as the 1st counselor in the Young Women's presidency, I felt a pull.  I found something else that I was good at.  Instead of mostly finding my fulfillment at my job, I was now finding it in serving the Young Women.  The girls seemed to like me and I liked them.  We had fun together.  We learned new things about the gospel together.  We felt the spirit together.

As I studied and prepared lessons for the girls, I would share what I was learning for Family Home Evening or in conversations over dinner. I also started working on the Personal Progress Program so that I could set a good example for the young women and I also had a desire to better myself and, hopefully, in turn become a better mother.  Gospel learning became fun for me and I learned that I had an appetite for it that I had never before experienced.

As my knowledge increased and as I tried harder to focus my thoughts on my divine roles, I felt myself desiring to be at home with my children more.  I didn't want to be at work anymore.  Don't get me wrong,  I am very grateful for my job and the monetary blessings it brings to my family.  Also, my employer has been good to me and can be flexible with my schedule.  But, more and more I was finding myself wanting to be at the school helping with reading or waiting at home for the children when they got out of school.

I have a great deal of respect for women who can work outside the home and still be a loving devoted wife and mother, but I personally struggle to play both roles - and do them well.

For a long time I didn't catch the connection.  I just knew that I wasn't finding a great deal of fulfillment from my job anymore.  Unfortunately, it isn't possible for me to be a stay-at-home mom at this point in my life, so I have really struggled with this.  I could go on about this, but maybe that is another post for another day.

Then one day, a wise man pointed out to me that perhaps my desire to be with my children more came from an increase in knowledge about my divine role as wife and mother.  Knowledge I had gained through preparing and teaching lessons and working on Personal Progress.  Though I still struggle to be the mother I want to be and, at times, I still really struggle to see fulfillment in what can sometimes seem like a thankless calling, I am truly grateful for the shift in perspective.

I look back at my attitude towards my children and the role of motherhood 5 years ago and then compare it to where I am today and realize I still have a ways to go, but I really feel like I am on the right path now.  I am grateful that my Heavenly Father allows me to grow and change and become better day to day.  I am grateful that he loves me even when I have a really bad "mom" day and he encourages me to keep trying.  If he can "entice" me through the Holy Ghost to change this much in the past 5 years, I am excited to see where I'll be at in another 5 years.

So really, my callings in the Young Women organization were for my benefit and not for the Young Women at all!  I know that is not entirely true, but I really feel like I gained more from those callings than I was ever give back to the girls I served.

Finally, I am grateful for forgiving children and a loving and forgiving husband.  They really are my biggest fans and supporters.

**You can read my cousin's reply to this post by clicking here: Finding fulfillment in motherhood.