Strengthening and Preserving the Family

I haven't proof-read this yet, so if there are errors, they be the errors of this woman... lol!  And if you are in my ward, don't read this until after Sunday, ok?

Don't know if I have mentioned it yet in blogland, but at the beginning of the year I was called to teach Relief Society on the 3rd Sunday of each month.  This year, the lessons come from the book, Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith.  I teach the even numbered chapters and this month I will be leading the discussion on chapter 4: Strengthening and Preserving the Family.  These are a few of my thoughts on this chapter.

First, I want to say that this chapter has the possibility of creating stress and guilt in women, who already feel stressed and guilt-ridden, because they just can't do it all.  I'm convinced that the reception of the message and instruction in this chapter is going to depend a lot on each individual's state of mind and will also depend a great deal on the delivery of the message.  In my discussion of this chapter, I hope to provide encouragement to choose one area to work on, not try to live perfection starting tomorrow.  It's not about being perfect, and it's not necessarily about being better tomorrow than you were today.  Believe me there are many today's in my life that were worse than yesterday.  I really think it is about trying to be better over time.

Second, I worry that women who are not married may feel overlooked in this conversation.  I hope to apply these principles to everyone regardless of circumstance.  We all come from a family and we are all part of God's family.  The principles and doctrine are the same, although the application of the principles may differ due to circumstance.

Anyway, on to the chapter.

I'd like to begin with the 2nd section entitled, The Lord instituted the family to endure eternally.

Marriage, we have learned, is an eternal principle ordained before the foundation of the world and instituted on this earth before death came into it. Our first parents were commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. It naturally follows that the family organization was also intended to be eternal.

I've never thought about the order that marriage and death were instituted on this earth, so this passage was interesting to me.  When Adam and Eve were placed in the garden, we believe that they were married.  They were then commanded to have children.  All of this took place before they partook of the forbidden fruit, bringing death into the world.  Marriage and family were eternal at this point, because there was no death.

I also wondered about the use of the word, "ordained" in the first sentence.  "Marriage is an eternal principle ordained before the foundation of the world..."  You know me and words; I looked up the definition to have a clear understanding of what is being taught.  Ordain = confer holy orders on; put in order.  So in other words, Marriage is an eternal principle put in order before the foundation of the world.  Not only that, but it was given to serve a holy purpose.

In the plan prepared for this earth the laws governing in the celestial world became the foundation. The great work and glory of the Lord is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” [Moses 1:39.] The only way this can be done is through marriage and the family, in fact this is the eternal order among the exalted and has been worlds without end.

When creating our world and deciding how His spirit children would come into this world and grow, our Heavenly Father didn't come up with a "new" model.  He didn't need to "reinvent the wheel" so to speak.   He used the same organization that existed in the premortal world.  It wasn't a new and foreign principle for us, we were all familiar and comfortable with marriage and family.  We had seen it lived by our Heavenly Parents.

The chapter then goes on to discuss that the family unit is the foundation of society and that without that base, "... all the citizens are comparatively strangers to each other and where natural affection is not found; where no family ties bind the groups together, is one of horror. Such a condition could lead to but one end—anarchy and dissolution."  

The temple sealing provides the opportunity for a husband and wife to be sealed for this life and also for all eternity.  Children who are born to them "will be the children of that father and mother not only in mortal life but in all eternity, and they become members of the family of God in heaven and on earth...

… Those children... have a right to the companionship of father and mother, and father and mother are under obligations before their Eternal Father to be true to each other and raise those children in light and truth, that they may in the eternities to come, be one—a family within the great family of God.

We should remember, as Latter-day Saints, that outside of the celestial kingdom, there is no family organization [after death]. That organization is reserved for those who are willing to abide in every covenant and every obligation which we are called upon to receive while we sojourn here in this mortal life.

The blessing of honoring our covenants and being obedient to God's commandments is an eternal family. When we understand this promise and keep it in mind, it will affect our dealings with those we should hold most dear to us.

The hope of eternal life, including the reuniting of the members of the family when the resurrection comes, brings to the heart greater love and affection for each member of the family. With this hope, husbands are inclined to love their wives with a stronger and more holy love; and wives in like manner love their husbands. The tender feeling and solicitude on the part of parents for their children is increased, for the children become endeared to them with bands of love and happiness which cannot be broken.

Now that we have a basis for the foundation of the family, let's jump back to the first section of the chapter. The first line of the chapter, is this:

"The family is the most important organization in time or in eternity."

There isn't anything that is more important than family.  NOTHING!  And Satan knows this too.

Family unity and family commitment to the gospel are so important that the adversary has turned much of his attention to the destruction of families in our society. On every side there is an attack on the basic integrity of the family as the foundation of what is good and noble in life. 

As the forces of evil attack the individual by tearing away at his family roots, it becomes critical for Latter-day Saint parents to maintain and strengthen the family. There may possibly be a few very strong individuals who can survive without the support of a family, but more of us need the love, teaching, and acceptance that come from those who care very deeply.

The thing that stuck out the most to me in these paragraphs is that even if we are not keenly aware of how important our families are, Satan is.  This is from an address given in 1971.  It's not hard to imagine that Satan had launched his attack on the family back then when I see the state of the world today.  Slowly, society at large has had it's family roots destroyed and ripped away.

But, in the same paragraph we are told how we can combat this attack.  "It becomes critical for Latter-day Saint parents to maintain and strengthen the family." 

We then learn some truths about families:

There are certain old truths which will be truths as long as the world endures, and which no amount of progress can change. One of these is that the family (the organization consisting of father, mother, and children) is the foundation of all things in the Church; another, that sins against pure and healthy family life are those which, of all others, are sure in the end to be visited most heavily upon the nations in which they take place. …

We learn 2 important family truths from this paragraph:

1. The family is the foundation of all things in the Church.
2. Sins against pure and healthy family life will sooner or later be visited most heavily in the nations in which they are found.

If #2 sounds familiar, the same warning was given in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, in the 2nd to last paragraph.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

Continuing on...

There is no substitute for a righteous home. That may not be so considered in the world, but it is and ought to be in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The family is the unit in the kingdom of God.

The family is the most important organization in time or in eternity. … It is the will of the Lord to strengthen and preserve the family unit. We plead with fathers to take their rightful place as the head of the house. We ask mothers to sustain and support their husbands and to be lights to their children.

The gospel is family centered; it must be lived in the family. It is here we receive our greatest and most important training as we seek to create for ourselves eternal family units patterned after the family of God our Father.

So many great things to discuss in these paragraphs!  So let's start.

It is the will of the Lord to strengthen and preserve the family unit. 
Again, I wanted to be clear on meaning, so I look up a couple of words.

• strengthen = make or become stronger, build up; fortify, strengthen with defensive works as to protect against attack
• preserve = maintain in original state; keep safe from harm or injury; to treat to prevent decomposition or deterioration.

Wow!  These words are fighting words.  We are in a fight and the stakes are high!  It is clear to me, that we are meant to ACTIVELY strengthen and preserve our families.  We cannot be passive.  

When I think of "strengthen", I am reminded of lifting weights.  Strength doesn't come at once; it is earned.  It takes day after day of lifting and working, putting forth effort and time.  

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When I think of the word "preserve",  I think about bottling food for storage.  We have to do specific things to the food to keep it safe to eat.  This takes knowledge, time, effort and desire.

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There is no substitute for a righteous home.  
Not a great Young Women's class, Young Men's Priesthood Quorum, Relief Society President, a devoted Bishop, or loving and focused leaders can match the power of a righteous home.

Latter-day Saint parents need to step up!  They must be the ones to maintain and strengthen their families.  It is their job, not a job for the church.  Parents must strengthen their family, not bishops. Fathers and Mothers, not YM and YW leaders.  PARENTS!

This reminds me of a favorite quote from Quentin L Cook:

Parents, the days are long past when regular, active participation in Church meetings and programs, though essential, can fulfill your sacred responsibility to teach your children to live moral, righteous lives and walk uprightly before the Lord. ...It is essential that this be faithfully accomplished in homes which are places of refuge where kindness, forgiveness, truth, and righteousness prevail. Parents must have the courage to filter or monitor Internet access, television, movies, and music. Parents must have the courage to say no, defend truth, and bear powerful testimony. Your children need to know that you have faith in the Savior, love your Heavenly Father, and sustain the leaders of the Church. Spiritual maturity must flourish in our homes. My hope is that no one will leave this conference without understanding that the moral issues of our day must be addressed in the family. Bishops and priesthood and auxiliary leaders need to support families and make sure that spiritual principles are taught. Home and visiting teachers can assist, especially with children of single parents.

When I was young, it seemed that attending church every Sunday was a good enough indication of whether a person would grow up and still be an active member of the church.  Sure family home evening and family scripture study were strongly encouraged, but the overall attitude seemed to be that just getting yourself and your kids to church was "good enough".  This is not the case any longer!  Satan's influence has grown too strong and too brazen for fence-sitters to be safe.  

It must be lived in the family

We must live the gospel in our home with our families, not just on Sunday at church.  Father's must lead their homes and mothers must support their husband in these efforts and "be lights to their children".  When I think of a light, I think of guidance, comfort, and truth.  That is our job as women.  No matter whether the child is ours or not, our role is guide them and comfort them and lead them to truth.

Now before everyone gets all weighed down and feels overburdened, here is the answer of how to accomplish the strengthening and preserving of our family.  On to section 3, We strengthen and preserve our families as we spend time together, love each other, and live the gospel together.

The primary function of a Latter-day Saint home is to insure that every member of the family works to create the climate and conditions in which all can grow toward perfection. For parents, this requires a dedication of time and energy far beyond the mere providing of their children’s physical needs. For children, this means controlling the natural tendency toward selfishness.

We need to work together to provide an atmosphere in our homes where the gospel can be taught and lived, That doesn't mean that it will be a peaceful, chaos free place at all times. I'm sorry, but that is perfection and clearly, President Smith stated that we were working towards perfection.  He didn't say we would attain it.

But it does mean we need to work.  Parents must put in dedication, time and energy.  And children aren't getting off scott free here, they must work to overcome selfishness.  We all must work together to create the environment where gospel learning and growth can take place.

The home … is the workshop where human characters are built and the manner in which they are formed depends upon the relationship existing between parents and the children. The home cannot be what it should be unless these relationships are of the proper character. Whether they are so or not depends, it is true, upon both parents and children, but much more upon parents. They must do their best.

I think the important thing to remember is that we are all in different situations with different outside pressures and limitations.  It is impossible to blanket statement what everyone should be doing.  Everyone's best will be different.  Our best can also change based on what we have on our plates at a given time.

There are a number of great questions posed in the chapter that would be excellent for self reflection.

• Do you spend as much time making your family and home successful as you do in pursuing social and professional success? 
• Are you devoting your best creative energy to the most important unit in society—the family? 
• Is your relationship with your family merely a routine, unrewarding part of life? 

And to wrap up, here are the suggestions that President Joseph Fielding Smith gives us for bettering our relationships with our children.

If I had to suggest one thing which I think we as parents are most lacking, it would be a sympathetic understanding of our children. Live with the children; follow their paths. … Know everything that claims the interest of the children, be a good sport with them.

We have been trying to impress upon parents the need of paying more attention to their children, having a little more of the spirit of the gospel in their homes, a little more unity and a little more faith; a little more responsibility religiously, spiritually on the part of the fathers; also, of the mothers; more of the teaching of the gospel in the home.