Wednesday, March 13, 2013

how many times?

mornings are hard at my house.  who am i kidding, after school is just as hard too.  being a mom is hard and i am sure that nathan would say being a dad is also hard. he seems to do a better job of being a dad than i do at being a mom though, so maybe he wouldn't say it was hard.

how many times or days in a row can you send your children to school, leave your house and say, "well, this morning wasn't great; I'll try again tomorrow.  Heavenly Father, please help me be better tomorrow!"

i guess it comes down to how hard you really try to make yourself and the situation better the next day.  it doesn't do anyone any good just to say "i'll try harder" and then not do anything to make it better.  but i can be weak and let my "natural man" take over in the rush of getting the house straightened and beds made, the lunches and homework checked and safely secured in backpacks, the little people fed and clothed and out the door for school, and myself ready for work.

i'm frustrated today!
i'm frustrated with my struggles as a mother and my weaknesses as a person.
i'm frustrated that my job takes me away from my home everyday.
i'm frustrated that i don't have the energy, time, patience and strength to be who i want to be all the time.
i'm frustrated that i am selfish.
i'm frustrated that i am prideful.
i'm frustrated with the way i sometimes treat the people i love the most.

if you remember, i'm supposed to be trying to show more gratitude right now.  this post is not sounding very grateful.  it's sounding a bit a lot like a pity party.  i completely realize that many people have harder struggles than i am currently experiencing.  i sound like a whiner, i know.  but just because my struggles are different than someone else's struggles, doesn't mean they aren't hard things for me.

anyway, blah blah blah.....  to try harder right now, i am going to make a list of all the things i am currently grateful for to counteract all of the things that are currently frustrating me.

i am grateful for a loving husband who puts up with my craziness and loves our children.
i am grateful for a body that does mostly what i want it to.
i am grateful for jared - his passion about things and his desire to be heard.
i am grateful for isaac - his fun-loving, goofy attitude and his tender heart.
i am grateful for amelia - her desire to care for and love others and her love of pretty things.
i am grateful for clara - her need to still be constantly loved on by me and her independent spirit.
i am grateful for extended family that help my family by watching my children and loving them while i can't.
i am grateful for a job that helps to provide for the financial and temporal needs of my family.
i am grateful for my car that gets me and my family where we need to be.
i am grateful for my calling in the young women.  i'm learning so much.
i am grateful for the young women that i get to work with.  they all teach me different things.
i am grateful for warmer weather lately.  i love the warmth of the sun.
i am grateful for my home, my bed, and the food in my kitchen.
i am grateful for a few good friends who love and encourage me.

tomorrow's a new day and i will start over and try again.  i don't know if i'd call it courage though, maybe just stubbornness. :)

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